It's happening again
by ILoveLilies13
Summary: It's been a year since the big crash that left Ethan fighting for his life but just as things have begun to get better they go downhill again. WARNING: May contain subjects that could trigger/upset
1. She was only 11

**4th October 2015**

It was a usually boring and slow day at work. It was saturday and Ethan had a four hour shift starting at 10am but after a 9 hour shift the day before he was starting to tire of the time wasters and hungover teenagers.

"I'll just get your prescription and then you're free to go" he told his patient and then exited the cubicle to fill out the discharge forms, pulling the curtain closed behind him. 'Just one more hour' he thought to himself.

"Ethan, there's a RTC coming in. Pedestrian vs car, ETA 2 minutes." Rita called.

"Okay, i'll be right there." he replied. He gave his patient the prescription before heading to the door. He swung his stethoscope round his neck as he saw Ian and got ready to help some poor innocent person caught up in a accident.

"Right this is Samantha, approximately 11 years of age, involved in a RTC about half an hour ago. She has query collapsed lung, fractured ribs, fractured left humerus. We've resuscitated twice in the last 10 minutes and she's struggling to breathe with chest pains. Her neck and back was cleared at scene. GCS is 9, Pulse 100, BP 120/80. Sats at 94. She was KO'd at scene and i've given her 15 of morphine." Ian recited quickly as he pushed the trolly through to resus.

"Thank you." Ethan replied and set to work. "We need to put in a chest drain." Soon after being connected to machines the quick beep of her heart beat turned into a long drawn out bleep.

"Right, she's gone into cardiac arrest. Lofty, start compressions." Ten minutes later after several tries of CPR they managed to bring her back. After a chest drain and pain killers she should be okay but she needed a very close eye kept on her and so she was sent up to intensive care.

Ethan looked up her records and next of kin and contacted her parents who on hearing the news were on their way immediately.

Ethan made his way to the staffroom to meet Cal who had also finished his shift.

"Alright nibbles?" Cal asked with a smirk as Ethan entered the staffroom door.

"No, I've just had a 11 year old nearly die. Her parents aren't even in town and she might not make it tonight."

"Oooh." Cal didn't really know what to say in these sort of situations. "Look i'll cook dinner tonight?"

"That i'd love to see!" Ethan chuckled. "I'll drive us home, come on."


	2. RTC

Ethan slid into the drivers seat and took a deep breath. He'd been trying to start driving again after the big accident last year and so far i'd been going okay. He started the car and headed towards the main road.

"Pasta?" Cal asked out of the blue.

"Pardon?"

"Pasta. It's not to hard to cook right?"

Ethan laughed. "I'll make dinner if y-" he was cut off by a large truck swinging towards him.

"WATCH OUT" Cal shouted but it was too late. The truck slammed straight into them throwing the car onto its side and into the barrier at the side of the road.

The sounds of screams, metal crunching and glass smashing filled the air.

"Ethan?" Cal muttered groggily. He had been flung forward but was thankfully stopped buy his seatbelt from flying through the front window. His chest now was horribly bruised and painful now. "Ethan?" He asked again when he got no reply.

"Hum." Ethan replied weakly. He lay on his side, blood trickling down his head, glasses smashed to pieces. His eyelids felt like led and his head was filled with a buzzing sound. Sires began to sound as the emergency services arrived.

"Ethan. Concentrate on my voice, you're okay." Cal told his brother watching him fight against unconscious.

It had happened again. He crashed the car and now he lay trapped on his side. It all felt to much, he just wanted to sleep.

"Ethan, no. Stay with me."

He just wanted to sleep.

"Ethan?"

And so he slept.


	3. Life or death

**Hello, thank you for the reviews! I'm going to try and make this chapter a bit longer and I hope you enjoy :)**

* * *

"Oh god. It's Cal and Ethan." Dixie Inhaled sharply when she spotted the familiar car on it's side all crumpled and smashed up. She quickly jumped out the ambulance and ran over with Ian just behind.

"Ethan, wake up. Dixie's here to see us." Cal said horsely. Even though he knew he wasn't listening the silence was deafening and so he kept reassuring himself by chatting.

"Alright boys, you've been in the wars haven't you?" Dixie tried to lighten up the mood but it wasn't the right time. "Right, the fire crew are coming to cut you out, they'll be as quick as they can but you know what it's like, I'll take some time."

The fire crew removed what was left of the front window so Cal and Ethan could start to be treated.

"Cal, have you got any pain in your neck or back?" Dixie asked.

"y..yeah." he stuttered, shock beginning to take over his body. His eyes widened with worry as his leg started feeling numb.

"Alright Darling, we'll get you out soon." Dixie reassured Cal. "How's Ethan?"

"He's not looking good Dix." I need to put a line in, he's got a slowing pulse, shallow breathing and potential head injury."

"Right, i'll get the collar and boards and as soon as the door is off we need to get them out." Dixie said.

* * *

Charlie picked up the ringing red phone. The red phone was never a good sign.

"Listen up team." Charlie called everyone together. "There's been a RTC involving two of our Doctors, Caleb and Ethan. I'll let you know anything that I hear but all I know right now is that there's three serious casualties. If anyone is struggling, I know it's difficult to treat colleges, then let me know."

Robyn and Lofty followed Charlie towards the entrance.

"Charlie?" Robyn asked anxiously. "How bad it is?"

"All I know is that it's serious. The car was swiped off the road by a truck and both of them are trapped."

Noise began to fill the air as an ambulance arrived outside and a trolly was wheeled in.

"Okay, Cal was trapped for 30 minutes, he wasn't KO'd at the scene. He's got a chest injury and is complaining of loss of sensation in both of his legs. His GCS is 12, pulse is 100, BP is systolic at 130/90, sats are at 98% and he's had 5 of morphine." Dixie quickly recited to robyn and Connie.

"Right, into bay 3 please." Connie said as she held to doors open to resus.

* * *

"Ethan, it's Ian. You've been in a car accident mate."

Ethan open his eyes slowly to see a blurry paramedic in front of him. His head ached and everything starting spinning.

"Pain.." he muttered.

"We're just getting you out and then i'll give you some pain relief okay?"

5 minutes later Ethan was in the back of the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

Zoe stood in the doorway twisting her wedding ring round her finger anxiously. She desperately needed a cigarette but she was waiting for Ethan to arrive. The ambulance pulled up and turned it's sirens off. At the same time Ian jumped out and started giving Zoe the details.

"Ethan has been trapped for 45 minutes and has sustained a head injury and chest injury. He was KO'd at the scene. His GCS is 12, pulse is 120, BP is 120/90, sats are at 98%. He's had 10 of morphine and 1.5 litres of saline."

"Thank you, can you put him in bay 2 please." Zoe said.

"Ethan?" Cal asked horsely across the room.

"He's okay, he's just being assed at the moment." Connie reassured him although she was worrying about him herself. Right, Cal you've got 2 broken ribs and bruising on your chest from being thrown forward and your seatbelt. But, you've damaged your spine.

"I can't feel my legs." he sounded on the verge of tears.

A loud beeping filled the room.

"Ethan's gone into cardiac arrest." Zoe said loudly. She began chest compressions quickly silently preying in her head. Don't die, don't die.

"Ethan!" Cal called again.

"You've injured the five lumbar vertebrae in your lower back Cal. You will have limited movement in your legs and hips and will need a wheel chair." Connie said.

"I don't care." tears fell down Cal's face.

"Cal." Connie said softly.

"I don't care. Help Ethan."

"We are but we need to help you too."

A steady beep filled the room again.

"Listen, he's okay." she held Cal's hand and wiped the tears away.

"His heart beat is slowing." Robyn said whilst watching the monitor.

Connie took the stereoscope from around her neck into her ears and listen to his chest. "Yep, his lungs collapsed." connie confirmed. "We need to put in a chest drain."


	4. Damaged

**After having a chapter of lots of medical speak and proceeders I thought i'd start writing about their recovery mentally and physically. Enjoy!**

* * *

Cal watched Ethan's chest rise and fall to the rhythm of the beep the machines made. Tears clouded his vision as he thought about the evenings events.

"Our lives have changed forever." He said horsely to Lofty who was checking over him.

"I'll take some getting used to but you're both alive at least. You scared us all."

"I'll take some getting used to? Lofy, I'm paralysed. This isn't some small accident like a broken arm. I've lost my job and I nearly lost Ethan, again." Cal's stomach flipped at the word again.

"I'm sorry." Lofty looked at his feet guiltily.

"No i'm sorry. I shouldn't have gotten angry at you.

"If you need help, Robyn, and I will happily give you two a hand." lofty promised him.

"Thanks." he muttered before drifting of to sleep.

* * *

Ethan opened his eyes to see a blurry figure sitting and watching him.

"Morning sleeping beauty." Cal smirked. "Here" he said and handed Ethan his glasses.

"Thanks." Ethan put them on and Cal came into focus again. "Cal, if you've been borrowing the wheelchairs again for races" he began but he was interrupted.

"No. It's mine."

"It's what?"

"Jez nibbles, I think you do have a brain injury after all." Cal joked. "It's mine."

Ethan took a moment to take everything in and remembered the blurry events of the night. Car crash, Ian, chest drain, sleep.

"Remember the car crash?" Cal asked. "Well apart from nearly dying and sleeping for a few days you're fine but I've broken a few ribs and i'm now in a wheelchair." Cal said gravely. There was no easy way to put it.

"I'm paralysed from the waist down Ethan. I injured my back in the crash."

To Cal's surprise Ethan started crying.

"It's okay, we'll get through this." Cal tried to reassured Ethan and himself.

"No, it's my fault Cal." Ethan sobbed.

"No! No, it's not. You did nothing wrong." Cal frowned and wheeled himself closer to hold Ethan's hand.

"It is. I crashed the car and now you're paralysed."

"Ethan, listen to me. You can't blame yourself." Cal said. He was surprised he knew what to say to try and make Ethan feel better. Usually he'd run away from this situation but this time he just had the right words. Maybe it was because it's his brother or the fact he nearly lost him again. He just knew he couldn't let Ethan blame himself for all of this.


	5. Time off

**Just a quick note to say I'm so happy that people are enjoying my story! Thank you to TheAtomicCheesepuff for adding my story to your alerts list. It's probably not a big deal but I really love your stories so i'm over the moon than you've read mine! and thank you to CBloom2 who gives such lovely reviews.**

* * *

Everyone watched as the two brothers left the lift and made their through A&E to Mrs Beauchamp's office. Ethan knocked on the door and entered when he heard a 'come in'.

"Ah, Doctor Hardy, Doctor Knight. Come and have a seat."

Ethan sat down on the small chair facing the desk and felt like he was back at school and in trouble, waiting to get told off by the headteacher. Not that he ever got told off, that was always Cal. He only went to the head teachers office if he was being bullied or was getting moved up a class. Cal wheeled himself forward and stopped just behind Ethan as there wasn't much room for the wheelchair.

"I wanted to discuss your future with you."

Cal tried not to laugh as he imagined her as some sort of fortune teller because of her choice of words.

"Yes, I'm continuing work tomorrow." Ethan began but Connie cut him off leaving him with his mouth hanging open in shock. He promptly shut it to avoid being told he would 'catch flies' or something similar by Mrs Beauchamp.

"Dr. Knight. What are your plans for continuing work?" she asked.

"Well, I don't really have any yet." he replied.

"Unfortunately there aren't many options. You can work in minors or you can find another career." she said bluntly.

"Find another career?" Ethan asked, stunned.

"Yes, Dr. Hardy. There aren't any other options i'm afraid. A doctor working in a wheelchair in a fast pace environment like this is just not possible."

"Oh." was all he replied, looking a bit deflated. "I'm so sorry Cal. It should have been me, not you. You have so much potential."

"Ethan, for the millionth time, it's not your fault." Cal said sadly. He hated the fact his little brother kept blaming himself.

"I recommend you take a week off work and think about your options Dr. Knight." Connie told Cal and he just nodded in response. "And as for you Dr. Hardy, here." She handed him several leaflets. "Have a few days off, rest and then I expect to see you on Monday morning all ready for work again."

"Thank you." Cal and Ethan both said before exiting the office. Ethan glanced down at the leaflets and flicked through them. Most of them had tiles such as 'Living with anxiety' or 'Survivors guilt'. He shoved them in his pocket before Cal or anyone else around him could see.

* * *

Ethan sighed as he checked his bank account. Moving was not a option. Maybe he could arrange someone to come round and make the flat more wheelchair friendly. He scribbled a reminder on a post it note and stuck it to his iPad and the leaflets.

"I'm off to work." He called to Cal who was sat by the TV with a beer in his hand.

"muh" he merely grunted as a reply his eyes fixed on a movie.

I'll get better he though to himself but a small voice at the back of his mid still said 'It's all your fault you idiot'.

"Morning" Lofty greeted Ethan.

"Good morning."

"How's Cal?"

"Drunk."

Ethan changed into his scrubs and began to treat his first patient of the day who had got a piece of lego stuck up his nose. It was going to be a long day.


	6. Drunk

Cal woke from his nap and stretched regretting the choice of 6 beers. The credits were rolling on the TV and the remote had fallen on the floor and off his lap. How he was going to pick it up he didn't know but after several tries he gave up because he nearly fell out his wheelchair.

"Damn you stupid legs!" he shouted at himself and threw his beer bottle at the wall in frustration. "It's not fair." he shouted like a child having a tantrum. "IT'S NOT FAIR." He looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. It was clear he was drunk, he smelt, he was still in yesterdays clothes and his eyes were red like he'd been crying.

'What am I suppose to do?' he asked himself out loud. 'No job, no dating, no life.'

Thoughts flickered though his mind of the future. The alcohol would help he thought. That was the alcohol speaking, not the Doctor inside him. He struggled to wheel himself over to the kitchen and looked though the cupboards until he found what he was looking for, Wine.

* * *

Ethan watched his coffee swirl around in his mug and put down the spoon. Sighing he carried it over to the seats in the staff room and sat down with his hands wrapped round the mug, keeping his hands warm. His glasses went foggy with heat from the coffee, much like his brain. Foggy with thought and worries. He worried about Cal the most. He'd tried and failed to take the alcohol away from him and had ended up with a punch in the face and then a mumbled apology from Cal. It's hard, feeling like life's out of your control. Fear, pride and shame all contributes to keeping you silent.

"Are you alright?" Robyn's question awoke Ethan from his thoughts. She sat down next to him. "Silly question. You're clearly not, what's wrong."

"Cal." Ethan knew he had to tell someone how he was feeling. "He's relying on alcohol to get him through this. I don't know how I'm supposed to help, heck I don't even know if I can even help. And it's all my fault."

Robyn's heart sank at the tone of his voice. He sounded like a scared little boy and so broken.

"Ethan it' not your fault." She began.

"I wish everyone would stop saying that."

"I wish you'd believe it."

Ethan looked back down at his coffee.

"This isn't going to be easy. Cal needs help, as do you but that's what we're here for." Robyn put her arm round him and Ethan rested his head on her shoulder.

"I'm scared to drive Robyn."

"And that's okay. That's expected after what you've been through." Robyn sympathised.

"Can you take me home?" he asked quietly.

"Of course."

* * *

"Cal?" Lofty called into the dim flat treading softly.

Ethan, Max and Robyn followed behind him. Ethan flicked on the light switch to see glass smashed all over the floor and Cal facing the flickering TV sobbing quietly with a wine bottle in his hand.

Ethan treaded over the glass, bent down in front of Cal and looked up at his face.

"Cal?" He asked softly.

Cal's head slowly lifted up to reveal puffy red eyes and trembling lips.

"I'm so sorry Ethan." He sobbed.

"Shh, it's okay. I forgive you." Ethan said with big eyes. He looked over Cal's shoulder at his three friends standing unsurely in the hallway and nodded. They began to brush up the glass and dispose of all the left over alcohol.

The next morning Ethan rang to take the day off work and organised for someone to come round and change the doorways and bathroom and such for Cal.

Max, Robyn and Lofty had all helped to get Cal in bed that evening then ordered a pizza and tried to cheer Ethan up a little. It did help with his mood but thoughts still plagued his mind.


	7. Recovery

**The casualty fans here are all so lovely! Thank you for the reviews, i'm glad you're enjoying the story. Although things will be getting better, look out for some plot twists and cliffhangers! Also sorry for not updating so quickly, i've been ill. :(**

* * *

"Ethan!" Cal shouted from his bedroom. It had only been a few hours without alcohol and Cal already missed it even though his body was not. He was shaking, his head was pounding and he felt odd at the pit of his stomach.

"Ethan!' he called again. A sleepy, messy haired Ethan appeared in the doorway for the 5th time that night.

"What now?" he said rather unsympathetically. Although he wanted to help Cal and felt sorry for him, he just couldn't stay awake all night and attend to every beck and call.

"I want a drink."

"Sorry Cal but we don't have any." Ethan sighed, this recovery was going to be hard. Even if Cal had only been drinking for a week he had a temper that would make things difficult.

"And you wouldn't give me any even if we did had some." Cal said glumly.

"Eth I feel -" Before he could finish his sentence he was sick, thankfully in the bowl Lofty had left for him earlier. "- weird." he finished his sentence.

Ethan had seen him like his before but this time it made him feel incredibly sad. As always the amount he drunk was his fault but this time he couldn't help it. It was such a big lifestyle change to be suddenly in a wheelchair and it was understandable that he was struggling. A little voice in his head shouted that he was struggling too but he brushed it aside.

"Look, i'll stay home with you tomorrow." He promised.

"Thanks nibbles." said Cal.

"Just this once i'll let you get away with calling me that." Ethan frowned.

"I don't know what I'd do without you."

Ethan chuckled.

"No that is not the alcohol talking." Cal tried to say angrily when he saw Ethan's expression.

"Go to bed you idiot." Ethan said as he left the room.

A wave of tiredness came over Cal and he fell asleep almost immediately.

* * *

Cal woke to the sound of birds tweeting outside and squinted as slight light pored through his window. He felt like he had the worlds worst hangover times 10. He shuddered remembering yesterdays events although Ethan had promised to stay home and look after him today. He looked at the clock and it read 11:24 in it's bright green colour. Why on earth did I buy that clock? he thought to himself. That's the worst colour to wake up to. It melts your brain.

"Good morning." Ethan entered Cal's room and put a plate of toast and cup of coffee on the bedside table.

"I've called for someone to make the flat wheelchair friendly and i've been doing some research." Ethan said warmly.

"Thanks." cal grunted drinking the coffee in practically one gulp. "What have you been researching?"

"Well, i've been looking at carers and support and jobs for you."

"I'm not having a carer." Cal replied bluntly. "I'm paralysed Ethan, not a 80 year old dying man."

"Okay, but we'll still need support around-" Ethan continued but was promptly cut off.

"No." said Cal curtly. "What about the jobs?"

"Well. Job wise you can do anything really! You could stay at Holby and work part time in minors and help at reception too. Or you could do any other job like a teacher for example." Ethan said enthusiastically.

Cal sighed and looked down at his legs. 'I mustn't worry Ethan' a voice in his head said loudly. "Well first i'd love a shower. I haven't had a wash in days."

"It's going to have to be a bath i'm afraid." Ethan said eyeing the wheelchair in the corner.

* * *

"How on earth are you supposed to lift me?" Cal laughed.

"No idea." Ethan was just as amused as Cal.

Cal sat in his wheelchair just in his boxers by the shallow bath Ethan had run.

"Right, here we go." Ethan braced himself and put one arm under Cal's legs and the other under his arms. His legs felt like they were going to give way any second as he lifted Cal up with great difficulty and quickly practically dropped him in the bath. They both burst into laughter.

"Can we think about getting a carer now?" Ethan tried to catch his breath and grimaced as he stretched his back.

"Only if she's hot." Cal agreed.

They both burst into laughter again.

* * *

"Morning!" Ethan greeted Lofty as he entered the ED the next day.

"How's Cal?" lofty asked again.

"He's good thanks." replied Cal as he wheeled himself up to the reception desk.

"Oh sorry. I didn't see you there. You're a lot shorter now, n-not that that's a bad thing. W-" Lofty began stuttering apologies and excuses.

"No worries."

"Haven't you got work to do?" Ethan asked.

Lofty turned round to leave and walked straight into the wall.

"I'm fine, i'm fine." he said as he stood up up and left a little wobbly.

A familiar sound of heels filled the air.

"Ah, Doctor Hardy. How nice it is for you to be joining us again. I assume Dr. Knight is well again?" Connie smiled. It was odd seeing their boss smile and it was something you certainly didn't see everyday.

"Yes, he's much better now." Ethan replied. "I'll go and get my scrubs on and start work."

"Yes, thank you." she picked up some files from the reception desk and left.

"Pft. She didn't even notice me." Cal said grumpily.

"Well you're working with me today so come and answer some phones." Noel told him.


	8. Downhill

**Ahhhhhh I'm so happy you're all still liking the story! I'm honestly so pleased that people are reading and enjoying because I didn't think that would happen! Thank you again for the reviews and I hope you enjoy this chapter. Also, what did everyone think about this weeks episode? It had me in tears especially at the end and Charlie saying silly daddy made my week aha.**

* * *

It was only 10am. An hour into the shift and Ethan had already treated 5 patients and had been asked if he was feeling okay by 3 of them. Work was the worst place to be at the moment yet he thought it would be a distraction. When he wasn't thinking about Cal he was thinking about himself and when he was thinking of himself he thought about how he felt. He was exhausted from looking after Cal but more from bottling things up. He was terrified to drive again, him and Cal had been catching the bus which as not easy or inexpensive. He was worried about Cal. He was worried about money. He was worried that more bad things would happen. Would Cal find another job? Would he turn back to the alcohol if things got bad again?

He had been called to a meeting with Mrs Beauchamp and Zoe Hanna about the future of Cal but he felt guilty to be discussing Cal behind his back. He made his way up the stairs and into the large room to wait for the two ladies. As he sat he pulled out his phone and text Cal.

 _You should come upstairs, we're having a meeting about your future._

15 minutes passed and neither Zoe or Connie turned up. Either they were in resus and were caught up treating a patient or he had the wrong time. Ethan decided to go down to reception and check with Noel. As he started to go down the stairs his phone started ringing but as he looked down and put his hand in his pocket to retrieve the buzzing phone he lost his footing.


	9. Emotions everywhere

**The last chapter was really short but I kinda enjoyed leaving you on a cliffhanger aha. As always, I hope you enjoy this chapter.** **Us Casualty fanfiction writers are always hurting poor Ethan but I just love writing upset/vulnerable Cal.**

* * *

The world seemed to move in slow motion. Ethan's arms flailed in front of him as he tried to find the banister but he began to fall forward and started tumbling down the stairs headfirst. Cal looked up from the reception desk, as he heard banging and people talking loudly, only to see a blonde man falling down the stairs. Something suddenly clicked in his head as the mans glasses flew off his face.

"Ethan!" He yelled and began to wheel himself as quickly as he could over to the stairs.

Ethan felt insanely dizzy and bruised as the world swirled around him and be bounced from stair to stair with no way of stopping. He grunted with pain as his foot got briefly caught in the banister and crunched loudly as it was released by his body pulling it out as he fell. He thought he heard someone call his name amongst all the shouting and commotion. Suddenly he came to a sharp stop, his body slammed to the ground and a sickening crunch filled the air. His head seared with pain and a buzzing noise seemed to fill the air. The blurry lights he could see turned black.

"Ethan?!" Cal tried to move through the crowd that was gathered around the stairs. He ripped someones phone out their hand who was filming the whole thing and shouted at them. "Excuse me, no he's my brother."' he said to everyone he tried to wheel past as they looked at him angrily for pushing through.

"Oh Ethan." was all he could say as sat beside his brother. He watched as most of the ED staff rushed over and stood, shocked to see it was Ethan, but tried to stay professional. Robyn dropped her coffee at the sight of Ethan on the floor and rushed to help.

"Can we get a spinal board, collar and trolly please!" Connie asked and everyone rushed into action. Cal followed as Connie and Robyn rushed into resus with poor Ethan on a trolly.

"What happened? Robyn asked as she checked his eyes and heart rate.

"He fell down the stairs." Cal answered as he rolled through the door. He had tears in his eyes. Rita came into resus and put her hand on Cal's shoulder.

"Come on Cal, let's go wait in the relatives room." she said sympathetically.

"No" he said and pushed her hand roughly off his shoulder. He didn't need sympathy he just need to know how Ethan was. "Mrs Beauchamp, how bad is it?" he asked fearfully.

"I don't know yet Caleb. I need to examine him. Rita's right, go wait in the relatives room. We'll let you know everything." Connie said although she knew he'd put up a fight.

"No! I'm not going to just leave my brother!" Cal started to get angry. They couldn't just expect him to leave Ethan and sit and bite his nails for hours until he got news of how he was. Rita put her hands on the handles of Cal's wheelchair and turned him round and pushed him out of resus quickly.

"How dare you!" Rage exploded inside Cal. "How dare you do that!" The staff all stopped to see who was shouting. He put his hands on the handles by the wheel and as quickly as he could, started to wheel himself away leaving rita stunned and red with embarrassment.

* * *

Cal had no idea where he was going, he was just going anywhere. He rolled himself down corridors and corridors of the hospital replaying the recent events over and over in his head. He was so full of rage and worry he didn't even notice when he bumped straight into Charlie.

"Oh sorry." he mumbled and looked up through his bleary eyes. He made his way to the relatives room and put his head in hands. The tears came quickly along with a flooding feeling of dread that made him feel sick to the stomach. He looked up suddenly as someone entered the room.

"Knock, knock." Charlie said. He sat down opposite Cal.

"I can't do this Charlie. I've always failed everything and I'v always relied on Ethan to be there to pick me up and help me carry on. And I'm so lucky that I've got someone like Ethan but i've always taken him for granted. And now..and now."

"And now you do the same for him. You be there when he falls and you help him like he's always helped you. You don't have to keep running from these things. You can face them and I can assure you that Ethan will be on your side. And we will to. That's what we're here for, to pick up the pieces and help mend you. We're your friends Cal and we're sure not going to let you suffer."

* * *

"Right we're just waiting on the CT results for the head injury and then we'll send him up for a xray too for his foot. We'll keep a close eye on his breathing and if he becomes conscious. Other than that i'm happy with his pulse and blood pressure and expect for a bit of bruising he's okay." Connie said as she removed the collar from Ethan's neck. She left resus to fetch her tablet and check the results.

Connie entered the room again frowning at her tablet. "Robyn, he's got a depressed fracture to skull so i'm sending him up to surgery straight away."

"Oh god. I'll go fetch a porter and then i'll find Cal." Robyn told her boss and left quickly.


	10. What i'd do for you

**beckyboogle - I'm so glad you and your sister are enjoying my story! And thank you!**

 **Thank for the reviews! Everyone is so lovely and that's what makes me continue writing this. Without your feedback and encouragement I would have given up writing this story ages ago. I'm not sure if I want to finish the story here or turn it into a long story with around 30 chapters but i'll just see how it goes. Let me know if you want me to continue it! Anyway, as always, I hope you enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

 **6 months earlier - 17th April 2015**

Taylor swore in annoyance and finally let the wind have the dishevelled umbrella that i'd been begging for relentlessly. She was utterly soaked though. Her clothes stuck to her tightly, her shoes squelched with every step and her usually gorgeous hair lay limply by her shoulders as her coat blew about behind her. She had no cash left and was forced to walk home in the storm but if she'd known i'd take so long she would've gone to the ED and seduced Cal into leaving his shift to take her home and stay with her.

She put her hand in her jean pocket, pulled out her key and went to open the door to her tiny flat. Her hands shook with cold and so it took a few tries. The door finally swung open to a lovely warmth.

"Well, at least the heatings on." She remarked.

'Wet jeans are a bloody nightmare!' she thought to herself as she struggled to strip off the heavy denim from her legs. She dumped the wet clothes in the washing basket and turned on the hot tap to the bath. Then she fetched a glass of wine but decided against it and took the whole bottle instead. Taylor sat in her bath surrounded by bubbles and occasionally she took a swing from her wine bottle. She wanted to get drunk and drown her thoughts. She wanted to drown herself. She'd make so many mistakes but this was the biggest yet.

She traced her bump with her fingers in the shape of a heart. Sure, it was a mistake but it was bound to happen. What with the amount of sex she'd been having, but she sure didn't believe she'd love it. She thought, 'when this is over, it's over. I'll get rid of it.'. But she couldn't. She just couldn't. Three months had passed and she was undoubtedly in love with a tiny bundle of joy that was growing inside her. She started to speak out loud, not to herself or to the baby but to nobody. To the silence that was deafening.

"You know, I've probably already damaged it. The sex, the wine, the smoking. It's no good. I care and I don't care. And I care that I don't care. Sure I love it, but I don't want to. Not yet anyway. People always say that as soon as you look into their eyes or their little hand grabs hold of your finger and never lets go you just fall utterly in love but, I already have." She prodded her stomach and looked down at it. She spoke as if she was speaking to her baby.

"I love you. I always will, whatever happens. Whether you stay with Cal and I or you get taken from me or if I have to leave you behind. I'll do what's best for you so you don't have to live the same horrid life I live. I'd do anything, sacrifice anything for you. And just know that I'll always love you."

She looked at the ceiling as tears gently rolled down her face. The words 'or if I have to leave you behind.' repeated and repeated in her head loudly. What if she left the baby behind? Would that be for the best? Is that what she should do? She took another drink of her wine and looked back down at her stomach.

"I'll always love you and I'm going to give you the best life possible, even.." She began to cry again but harder this time. Her mascara was streaked across her cheeks. "Even if it means you're not with me.

* * *

 **13th October**

Taylor ran down the corridors of the hospital with her baby held close to her chest. A police officer chased after her as fast as he could but the adrenaline and fear and the fact she was now a mother made taylor run far faster.


	11. Baby

**Hello! After reading your reviews i've decided against ending the story at this chapter and i'm going to continue it. I'm really loving writing at the moment as well, i'm so pleased i've become passionate and enthusiastic about it again! I think my new english lessons are making me fall back in love with creative writing. Anyway, thank you for your continued support, it really means a lot. Let's see how Ethan is!**

* * *

 **14th october 2015**

Cal watched his brother's chest rise and fall slowly through the window of resus. Although his chest was moving he wasn't breathing, the machines where doing it for him. Wires tangled round him, like vines on a old building, put there to show his heart beat on the monitors or give him saline. One side of his head was covered with gauze and bandage but you could still see the shaved head and stitches underneath. A cast had been put on his foot to mend the bad break which meant he wouldn't be able to walk for a few months. He wouldn't be able to work, never mind the walking. The surgeons had had to operate and put the parts of his skull he had broken back to their correct position so it could heal and so it didn't cause any damage to his brain. I'd take months to heal but the pain would disappear in a week or so.

He hated seeing his brother like this. All broken and lifeless. Fear creeped up inside his gut threatening to make him turn away and run like he always did. Not today. He would not let himself make the stupid mistake of leaving. It was his turn to help out, to pick up the pieces. Ethan needed fixing, not just physically but also mentally. He made his way into resus and rolled up to the side of the bed.

"Hey nibbles." his voice wavered. He about thought how Ethan would be grumpy if he used that nickname and would tell some smart joke or comeback that only he would understand. "I'm going to help you get better. I know you're the one always helping me, whether you want to or not, but this time it's the other way round. It's about time I stopped running or hiding."

He wiped the tears from his eyes as the fear came flooding back. Fear that Ethan might never wake up or that he wouldn't be able to help him.

"So, when you're ready just wake up and i'll be here to help. I'm sticking by your side. But..but also know…also know that if you don't want to fight any longer. If you don't have faith in me and don't want to suffer. If you can't make it through this. You can leave. I don't mind. I promise I won't be mad or upset. I understand if you can't fight this battle. You've taken all my bullets and i'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry."

A high pitch beep filled the room. Cal sobbed and leaned his head on Ethan's shoulder, hiding his face. He traced his finger around the palm of Ethan's hand in a circle. Their mum always used to do that to calm them down or help them sleep. It was like a soothing lullaby to them. Suddenly Connie burst through the doors of resus with Robyn close behind.

"Welcome back Ethan" she said softly and smiled one of her rare kind smiles. The high pitched noise stopped and was replaced with a steady beep instead. Cal put his head up confused to see his brothers eyes flickering open and the ventilator gone.

"What?" he asked.

"I don't blame you because you're tired but Cal you are a doctor. That beeping noise isn't death, it means he was starting to breathe on his own." Relief came over Cal like a tidal wave. He was alive, he was okay. All was well. The noise of high heals clopping into the room filled Cal's ears and he looked from his brother to the door. His mouth fell open with shock.

"Taylor?"

"Cal, what happened?" Ethan called from the bed in a scared voice.

"That is my exact question." Taylor said with a sad smile. She looked exhausted. Her hair was up in a pony tail and her face was make up less and accompanied by dark circles under her eyes and lines of worry on her forehead. "I've got someone i'd like you to meet." She said happily despite looking so sad. She put the car seat she was holding on the floor and gingerly picked a tiny baby wrapped up in a pink blanket out of it. "Meet your Daughter."


	12. Facing consequences

**I'm going to make the Baby storyline completely different to the real one as I can't bare to make little Matilda ill after hurting Cal and Ethan so much! There'll be lots of cute Daddy Cal and Uncle Ethan scenes soon as well. Enjoy!**

* * *

A million thoughts rushed though Cal's head, mostly questions of how on earth he could have a daughter.

"Cal?" Taylor questioned. "Do you not want to hold her?"

Cal cleared his throat. "Mrs Beauchamp, could you take Taylor to the relatives room? I'd like to spend some time with Ethan."

It was Taylor's turn to drop her mouth open in shock. "Cal? I have your baby here and you want to stay with your brother?! What's even wrong with him? Why are in you a wheelchair?" She spoke quickly, her face full of anger and curiosity.

"Taylor! If you don't go and wait for me nicely I won't see you. I'll happily call the police." Cal shouted over her questions. He turned back to Ethan after everyone had left. Robyn had put the bed up so they could talk easily.

"I can't see a thing." was the first thing Ethan said. "How long do I have to go without glasses? I wouldn't want to mistake Mrs Beauchamp for you!"

"Are you saying Mrs Beauchamp looks manly?" Cal raised one eyebrow with a smirk on his face.

"God no." he said quickly but began to laugh at the though of his boss as a man. "So, what did I do this time?"

"You fell down the stairs and bashed your skull inwards. You've been asleep for hours, I didn't think you'd wake up honestly."

"What are you going to do about Taylor?" Ethan asked, his brotherly instinct automatically jumping into reaction. "You've got to call the police."

"You know what Ethan? You're right." Cal smiled.

"I am?" Ethan was taken aback at his brother reply. His whole brothers manor was different , he was being kind and open. He wondered if his Cal had spoken to him again like he did after the crash last year. He defiantly was better, the alcohol was long out of his system so why was he being so not Cal? The wheelchair had changed his look on life to be honest. It was a wake up call to his bad habits of relying on Ethan and running from things he didn't like. He smiled to himself. He liked this new Cal.

"Yes, you're right. I'm calling the police. Thanks Eth."

Lofty joined Robyn who had just finished her shift and was leaning on the desk watching Cal and Ethan chat and laugh together in resus.

"Are they alright?" Lofty asked.

"I think they finally are." Robyn smiled. "Come on goofy, drinks are on me!" Lofty followed her lightly arguing about how he shouldn't be called goofy and promptly bumped into the cleaning trolly which made him trip and take robyn with him as he grabbed her arm as he fell. They both ended up in a heap of they floor and cracked up with laughter.

* * *

"Thanks." Cal said to Connie who held open the door for him as he rolled himself into the small relatives room. Taylor sat on one of the chairs gently rocking the little baby in her arms. She smiled when she saw Cal but quickly stopped at the sight of his expression.

"Taylor, I've called the Police and their on their way." Cal told her. Taylor's eyes widened with shock.

"No, No you can't! I haven't done anything!" She shouted frantically. The baby began to wail at the sudden noise and Taylor tried to quieten her with no success. Cal rolled over to her and held out his arms. She slowly put the wailing baby in his open arms and as soon as she was in his arms the baby stopped crying and stared at him with big eyes. His heart filled with love and warmth as she tried to grip into his finger with her tiny hand and her eyes closed sleepily.

"She's really mine?" He asked.

"Yes." She said smiling at the picture of Cal and the baby. "I promise."

"I'll keep her." Cal said out of the blue.

"What?"

"I'll look after her, I won't let her get pushed around foster homes. She can live a proper life with me."

"Are you sure?" Taylor asked biting her lip. Her plan was going perfectly. Cal would keep the baby and she could go on the run again. I'd kill her to leave her daughter behind but she had to. She had no choice.

"Yes. I'm sure." Cal replied looking up at Taylor and smiling. He was undoubtedly in love with his baby already.

There was a sudden knock on the door and two police officers appeared in the doorway. Taylor began to panic. He was being truthful, he had called the police and now she had to face the consequences and lose her baby girl.

* * *

Max and Cal watched as the police officer helped Taylor get in the back of the police car.

"We don't need mummy do we?" he said to the sleeping baby in his arms. "You've got me and Uncle Ethan and we'll have the best time. I promise I'll look after you and i'll always love you." Max smiled at the the pair, wishing he and Zoe could someday adopt. He definitely wanted children.

"You ready to go and give Ethan a heart attack?" Max asked Cal.

"Yeah, thanks bro." Cal replied and Max wheeled him inside back to resus, his heart melting at the sound of Cal saying "We're going to see Uncle Ethan!" to the little girl.


	13. Dizzy spells

**I'm so excited to write about life with the baby! I hope you enjoy and thank you for your reviews. :)**

* * *

Max put Cal right next to Ethan whom had fallen asleep again.

"This is your Uncle Ethan." he said to the little baby softly. "He's a big softie really and he's going to love you so much."

"After I find out whether she's ours."

Cal looked up to see Ethan had woken and was watching him with an unhappy expression. "She is. Taylor said she was, she promised she was."

"Caleb, Taylor's a compulsive liar! You can't believe a word she says."

"I believe she's telling the truth this time. She wouldn't lie about something like this."

"Even if she is your daughter we can't look after her."

"We can try Ethan. I'm not giving up this time, not on her. We'll give it a shot."

Ethan sighed. "Okay, but if we can't manage we have to ring social services. And promise me one thing."

"What?" Cal questioned.

"You need to take a paternity test."

"Alright." he sighed and looked from Ethan back down to the baby in his arms peacefully sleeping. He'd fallen in love with her, he couldn't give her up. She was daddy's little girl.

* * *

Cal waited in reception for Ethan. They could finally go home after being cooped up in the hospital for days. The part time carer Ethan had asked for had arrived and was perfectly up for the job of helping to look after the baby as well as Cal.

"You're kidding?" Cal's smirk appeared on his face and he cracked up with laughter when he saw Connie pushing Ethan through to reception in a wheelchair.

"Nope." Ethan grimaced. "They're not letting me have crutches because of the head injury. Too many dizzy spells, i'd end up falling over all the time."

"Now, Cal you're on paternity leave for a month aren't you? And Ethan, you're on sick leave for a week so i'll see you on Monday. Get some rest while you have the chance. When you come back to work Cal are you going to be working in minors only?" Connie asked.

"I was thinking of working in minors but only part time so I can look after my daughter too."

Connie looked taken aback. "Well, i'll be sad to have one of my excellent doctors leave but that's certainly okay."

"You ready to go?" Sally the carer asked Cal and Ethan. She put the baby gently in Ethan's arms and pushed him into the car park with Cal following behind. "Have you thought of a name yet?" she asked.

"Well I was thinking Matilda after-" Cal began.

"After mum." Ethan finished.

"Yes." Cal smiled and watched as the baby gripped onto Ethan's pinky with her small hand.

"Hello little Matilda. Welcome to the world." Ethan said, smiling with glee.

* * *

"I'm loving these new doors!" Cal called out as he rolled back and forward though them with a look of happiness and excitement on his face.

"I never thought you'd get excited about wheelchair friendly doors." Ethan chuckled at his brother as he entered the flat. "I'll see you tomorrow then." He said to Sally and waved her goodbye which made her flush as she turned and left. He got up out of the wheelchair but wobbled a bit and put one arm on the wall to steady himself still cradling Matilda in the other.

"You okay?" Cal stopped moving back and forward through the door and sped over to Ethan. "Here, I'll have Matilda." He said kindly and held out his arms.

"I'm fine!" Ethan told his brother but still handed him Matilda. He had no idea how he was going to walk with cast on his foot but he was certainly going to try. There was no way he'd stay in a wheelchair just because of headaches.

"This is your home!" Cal said to Matilda as he rolled around the flat.

Ethan smiled as he listened to Cal witter away to Matilda about nonsense things and how he loved her. Suddenly, his whole world felt like it was spinning and his smile was replaced with a look of fear. The floor seemed to be getting closer and closer and he was going to collide with it. He stuck his hands out to try and stop himself but he fell to the ground with a thump. Intense pain shot through his head making him pass out. Cal turned around at the sound of the thump to see Ethan lying on the floor. "No! No, no ,no ,no." He ran his hands through his hair and kicked himself for letting Ethan get out the chair. Mathilda started crying. He pulled his phone out his pocket and dialled 999 while trying to rock Matilda in his one arm.

"He's in ICU at the moment so we can keep him under observation." Zoe told Cal who was sat in the reception area with Matilda. "Dizziness and tiredness are common after a head injury." she tried to reassure him.

"Right, okay." he replied still watching Matilda sleep in his arms.

"You can go see him if you want. He's awake. " Zoe suggested.

"No, er, I've got to sort the flat. Matilda doesn't even have anywhere to sleep yet."

"Cal, let us worry about that. I'm sure I can get someone to help you."

"No. We're okay."

"Cal, It's perfectly alright to accept help sometimes."

"No. We're fine." Cal replied abruptly and turned to leave.

* * *

"Are you sure he's okay with this?" Lofty asked uncertainly.

"Yes, it's fine. Come on, let's start. We don't have long." Cal replied and dipped his paint brush in the can of pink paint.

"He'll be alright you know." Lofty said.

"I know."

Matilda gurgled with delight but as Cal rolled over to sofa to see her he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Oooh what have you done toad?" he grinned at Matilda and then looked up at lofty who was painting. "Errr. Lofty?"

"No way, she's your baby." Lofty said with a laugh.

"I can't reach the table to change her." Cal smirked. That was the only reason he bought the changing table, so Ethan would always have to change the nappies and he had an excuse not to.

"Fine." Lofty admitted defeat and let out a long sigh.


	14. Getting better?

It was Ethan's final day at the hospital after his fall. He'd up stuck in a small room for a week whist he was given antibiotics and made sure his head was fully healed. His main way of passing time was counting the seconds go by on the clock or moving his bed up and down. He was utterly bored and somewhat annoyed that Cal hadn't come to see him. He checked his phone again only to see the time and no messages. There was knock at the door and Zoe entered the room.

"Hello Ethan! I'm happy to let you go today. The fracture in your skull is nearly healed and you've had your full corse of antibiotics so there isn't any infection anymore. I'll fetch you some cruches and then you get a month off work." Zoe said with a smile whilst examining her tablet.

"Oh I don't know about a month off. A week will suffice!" Ethan did not want to sit around the house all day with nothing to do after he'd done so much recovering and sitting around already. He just wanted to get back to normal and back to work.

"Ethan you've broken your foot, the cast doesn't come off for another 4 weeks. There's no way Connie would let you work like that besides, you and Cal have a baby to look after now."

Ethan let out an exasperated sigh. "I don't think we'll be able to."

There was another knock on the door and Cal entered with Matilda in her car seat on his lap.

"Look! It's uncle Ethan." He said to her and she made a giggling noise. Uncle Ethan did not look happy.

"Cal? How could you not visit me? Or message me in the least! The only way I knew you were okay and coping was the occasional time Charlie or Lofty or someone popped to see me."

"I'm sorry Eth-" Cal began.

"No. Sorry doesn't cut it Cal! So you have time to go and see everyone downstairs but when it comes to me you just ignore me completely?" Ethan never really got angry but he felt furious this time. "You've got to change Cal!"

"Ethan! Why don't you just come home? We can talk about this later." said Cal trying to calm him down.

"He'll be okay, just keep an eye on him.' Zoe told Cal. "He has post-concussion syndrome so dizziness, headaches, tiredness or trouble sleeping are most likely going to effect him. They usually take around three months to disappear but if they get really bad just pop back in." Cal thanked Zoe.

"Come on nibbles."

Ethan sighed at the use of his nickname and followed Cal slowly on the crutches Zoe had just given him. As they exited the lift they were greeted by cheering. Ethan was utterly shocked as everyone in the ED was gathered round waiting for them with big grins.

"What?" was all he could say.

"We hope you get well soon!" Robyn shouted and everyone cheered.

"And congrats on the baby, you two make a lovely couple!" Max joked and everyone laughed including Cal and Ethan.

"Thank you everyone" Ethan said with the biggest smile.

"This isn't all." Cal said.

"What do you mean?"

"There's a surprise at home too! Come on."

Cal lead the way through everyone to the car park where they got in a taxi and went home.

* * *

"Cal. Half of my flat is pink." Ethan said in shock.

"Yeah it's great isn't it! Lofty helped me paint it and Sally picked the furniture."

"You're alone for 5 days and you manage to redecorate the flat."

"Um hum, this is why I didn't visit. I wanted to try and get it done as soon as possible."

"I love it." Ethan said with a smile. "And i'm sure Matilda loves it too!" He tickled her tummy and she smiled. "Cal, look she's smiling!"

"Awh toad! Can I make you smile?" Cal tickled her tummy and grinned as she made a giggling noise.

"Any post come?" Ethan asked as he moved through the pigsty his flat had become and sat down on the sofa.

"Here, you open it." Cal said and handed Ethan a brown envelope.

Ethan opened the results of the paternity test and raised his eyebrows.

"What?!" Cal said both excited and anxious at the same time.

"It looks like Taylor was telling the truth." Ethan smiled, relief waved over him. She was Cal's daughter and it looked like Cal was finally getting things together to look after her. Was this the start of things getting better?

Cal breathed and long sigh of relief and took Matilda out her car seat and put her on his lap, cradling her with one arm. He loved holding her and now it was even better because he knew she was his and he would be able to keep her forever.


	15. Back to normal

**Hello! We've hit 2000 views AHHH! This is crazy, I didn't think anyone would even read this story let alone review, follow or fave. Sorry I haven't updated for a few days. I'm having some trouble with storage/memory on my laptop and it wouldn't let me use pages so I couldn't write the next chapter. Anyway, I'm back now and I'm getting a hard drive soon which should solve the problem. As always, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

Ethan sighed as he stood in the bathroom looking at his refection in the mirror. He'd mastered standing with the cast on his foot but still relied on the crutches for waking. 4 weeks had passed and somehow Matilda was perfectly fine despite having two men, who were utterly incompetent when it came to babies, look after her. He ran his hand over the large patch of hair on the right side of his scalp that was clearly shorter. A scar ran from the side of his head only just touching his eyebrow to the back of his head. It would be concealed when the hair grew back but for now it sat there reminding him of what had happened. He washed his face and then grabbed the cruches that were leaning against the shower door and made his way to the kitchen. He passed Cal on the way who was sat next to Matilda's cot with sick on his top and his head resting on his shoulder as he slept.

Ethan was glad that they'd managed to figure out ways that Cal could look after himself and was able to do things such as wash and get into bed with a little help with Ethan. Although Sally was lovely they just didn't need as much help anymore and their bank accounts were also complaining so she went from their carer to their friend. She had left her phone number for them too, just incase they ever needed help again but so far things were looking up and the paper it was written on had been crumpled up and shoved in a drawer somewhere by Cal.

He needed to clean. The flat had become his worst nightmare with nappies and takeout's everywhere. Dirty dishes in the sink, washing piling up in the washing basket, visible dust and dirt. It looked like a flat where just Cal would live and that fact was certainly annoying to Ethan. He started to pick all the mail that was scattered over the work surface underneath a pizza boxes and other junk. It was mostly coupons and leaflets so he threw them in the bin along with a carton of old milk. As he closed the lid on the bid he noticed a brown envelope hiding under the milk and a Chinese takeaway leaflet and cursed in his head. He pulled it out the bin and wrinkled his nose in disgust as the milk had spilt and drenched it. He lay the letter that was inside the envelope on the draining board to dry and continued to slowly clean the flat.

Cal awoke suddenly to the sound of Matilda's crying.

"Wha..what? Matilda?" He slurred sleepily.

"Don't worry, I've got her." he heard Ethan say.

Cal's neck was dreadfully painful from leaning to one side and he felt as if he hadn't had one wink of sleep. He stretched up and frowned in confusion. He'd gone to sleep in his messy world and had woken in Ethan's pristine one.

"Did you clean?" He asked, although he already knew the answer.

"Yes. I was fed up of living amongst endless takeaway leaflets." Ethan told him. "Awh that's better, isn't it toad?" he said to Matilda as he changed her and dressed her in a new baby grow.

"You better get changed, we've got to go to the hospital and then the shops today." he told Cal.

"Fine. But you need to help me get into the bath." Cal said grumpily. He hated having to wash as it was such a awkward and difficult thing to do, but it had to be done, unless he wanted to smell like a homeless person.

An hour later they were in their way to the hospital in an taxi for neither of them could drive and catching the bus was much more difficult with a wheelchair, crutches _and_ a baby. Everyone cooed over Matilda as they made their way through the hospital including Mrs Beauchamp. Getting his cast off was quick and easy and very joyful for the crutches were no longer and Ethan could walk on two legs again.

"You'll need to come to physiotherapy once a week to build the strength back up in your foot and leg but otherwise you're good to go. And Cal, there's some physiotherapy you're able to do as well, if you want to know more just pop in after a shift and i'll have one of our specialists talk to you." the nurse said to the brothers with a smile.

"Thank you, that's most helpful." Ethan said.

"You're welcome. I hope you get well soon, you don't deserve all this bad luck."

* * *

"What do you want for dinner?" Ethan asked Cal. He was pushing a small trolly down the supermarket aisle with Matilda's carseat in the special compartment whilst Cal followed occasionally stopping to look at things on the shelves.

"Humm. No idea." Cal replied.

"Excuse me?" Ethan looked up from Matilda to see a elderly woman smiling.

"Hello."

"I just wanted to say that I think it's wonderful that you're doing this." She said warmly.

"Pardon?" Ethan said politely but utterly confused.

"It's lovely that you've adopted a baby! Are you married yet?"

Ethan wasn't able to say anything.

"We aren't married." Cal tried to tell the woman.

"What a shame! At least they've made it all legal now, back in my day it was considered an illness! Anyway, I hope you have a lovely day." She smiled once more and hobbled off. Ethan frowned and watched her leave and then looked at Cal.

"Did we just get mistaken for a gay couple?" He asked. "With an adopted baby?"

"I think so." Cal couldn't help but find the whole peculiar situation hilarious and burst into laughter. Ethan chuckled and Matilda giggled too which made both of them smile with glee.

"We're ever so lucky to have you!" Ethan said in a gentle voice to Matilda. Life was finally back to normal, if not better.


	16. Dancing in the front room

YAYAYAYA cleared some more space on my laptop so I can write this chapter AND my hard drive has been ordered and should arrive soon so soon i'll have an extra 2TB of space! Anyway I hope you enjoy this chapter, it's quite a word-y one with hardy any speaking but I like describing and such. Also, thank you for the reviews, i'm glad you're all still enjoying the story.

* * *

Both Cal and Ethan were back to work on Monday the 21st of December. Ethan awoke to the sound of Matilda wailing and as soon as he got up he realised how tired he was. If he got no sleep with a baby then, lack of sleep from work as well was going to kill him. As he put on the kettle and went over to Matilda's cot he could hear Cal grunting about his alarm going off.

"Ethan!" Cal called.

"One minute!"

He finished feeding Matilda, put the bottle on the kitchen counter and her back in her cot before going to Cal's bedroom.

Cal snorted as Ethan entered the room. "Nice bedhead."

"Good morning to you too." Ethan replied.

They began they usual routine of getting ready and it was like everything fitted together like a puzzle. Matilda had been the missing piece and now, with her, things ran smoothly. Ethan helped Cal into hin chair and he got ready while Cal watched the baby. Then they swapped places and all left together with Matilda in Cal's arms and the baby bag slung over Ethan's shoulder. Ethan locked the door with a satisfying click and followed Cal into the lift with a smile in his face. They were a family. An odd one, but who has ever heard of a normal family these days? They were happy for the puzzle had finally been complete.

* * *

The ED was busy as always and although many others did not, Ethan liked it that way. Lately he did anyway. It was a distraction from the fear that still lurked in the back of his mind threatening to take over his life again. Everyone had greeted them back with happy faces and it was very comforting. Matilda was in the crèche, Cal was working on minors with Lofty and Ethan was sent to resus.

He was greeted with the sound of "I can't see! Why can't I see?!" from a young girl in bay 4. All thoughts and worries escaped his mind and he rushed over to help.

"Hello, my name's Dr Hardy but you can call me Ethan." he introduced himself.

* * *

Ethan fumbled with the key to the flat trying to open the door. It finally opened and Cal wheeled himself in chatting away to Matilda. He put the kettle on ready for a coffee, his eyes already drooping from exhaustion. Then he placed a mug next to Cal and plucked Matilda from his arm's.

"Good day at work?" He asked bobbing Matilda up and down gently.

"Meh. Met a lady, wheelchair put her off though. It's been a unsurprisingly uneventful day. You?" Cal replied.

"Quite the opposite."

"Muum." was all Cal replied with.

Ethan looked around to see Cal had made a mess again. He turned back to Cal and opened his mouth to complain but was beaten by Cal who had rolled over to the table ready to explain.

"I found some of mum's old tapes out." Cal said fondly. He put one of the tapes in and clicked the play button. As soon as the tune started to play, Ethan started smiling. It reminded him of his younger days where he would poke his head round the door of the kitchen to see Cal and his mother dancing and singing along to the radio. He never joined in with them, he always returned to his puzzle upstairs but he used to hum along as it buzzed though the ceiling.

"I see many people coming after me. So where are you going to I don't mind, If I live too long I'm afraid I'll die. So I will follow you wherever you go. If your offered hand is still open to me." He sang in a low voice to Matilda, turning and bobbing on the spot.

"I never knew you knew the words nibbles!" Cal said, he was astonished.

"I could always hear them, it didn't take long to learn." Ethan laughed.

He had his eyes fixed on Matilda as he swayed around. He knew he probably looked like a right idiot but he didn't care.

"Strangers on this road we are on. We are not two we are one." He sang.

And that's how the night ended. Ethan dancing in the living room with a giggling Matilda in his arms and Cal watching them both, wishing he could join in but also not caring for it was such a sweet picture to watch.

* * *

Another day of work passed. Ethan came home with Matilda on his own however as Cal had different hours to him on a tuesday. He bathed, fed and put Matilda to bed before pricking a microwave meal for his dinner. As he stood watching the seconds count down on the microwave timer, with a mug of coffee warming his hands, he thought of Sally. She had been sweet to him and he missed her. Suddenly a thought popped into his head and he began rummaging through the kitchen drawers. He finally found the piece of scrunched up paper and quickly typed the number on it into his phone. As the phone rang he bit his lip and then a quiet voice picked up the phone.

"Hello?" It said timidly.

"Hello? Is this sally?"

"It's Sally's mother. She's in hospital. I'm sorry, who is this?"

Ethan's heart rate increased dramatically. "It's Ethan. Ethan Hardy."

"Oh dear, you better come and see her." The voice said with a fearful tone. "She's dying."

The coffee fell from Ethan's hand and fell to the floor with a loud smash. Matilda started wailing. Within seconds Ethan grabbed his coat, car keys and the baby and was out the door. All that was left was a long, drawn out beep from the microwave, signalling the food was done.


	17. My dearest Sally

**For any of you who are confused, Sally was Cal's carer/helper. I mentioned her a few chapters ago but never really developed her character (until now). Enjoy! :)**

* * *

He was about to drive.

He started the car and placed his hands on the steering wheel. Taking a big breath he looked at Matilda in the mirror before adjusting it and slowly putting his foot down on the pedal. The car jumped to life and started moving forward, startling Ethan who slammed on the break. He held his hands out in front of him watching them shake violently before hiding his face in them.

A voice in his head suddenly said 'Do it for Sally.' He took a sharp breath and put his hands back on the wheel.

"Right, Allons-y Matilda." He said in a shaky voice. His foot pressed down on the pedal again and he started to leave the car park. Learning to drive was the same as learning to ride a bike to him. He could never forget how to do so. His hands fell into the usual routine of switching gears and making turns as he headed to the hospital. It felt familiar but almost spooky to be driving again in the light of flickering street lamps. He used to take the same journey on the way to a night shift however this time he was heading to something far worse.

* * *

 **October 2015**

Ethan didn't know what day it was never mind the date. He never knew these days. They didn't even feel like days, it felt like one day repeating over and over. Wake up, help Cal, talk to Sally, sleep and repeat. It felt reassuring to have a daily chat with Sally however. They had become close friends over the 2 weeks.

* * *

Ethan made his way through the corridors, carrying Matilda in her car seat, with a heavy heart. He found the correct ward and looked through the small square window at eye hight to see Sally lying in bed looking deadly pale and ill. Her mother sat in a hard chair next to her bed dabbing her eyes and gripping her daughters hand like she was trying to cling onto her and not let death take her out her grip.

He pushed open the door and walked over to the bed. He felt physically sick. He was alright with dealing with patients and their various illnesses but seeing someone he knew, someone he loved, so ill was horrible.

"Hello." he croaked.

"Hello, dear."

"It's lovely to meet you but such a shame it's under these circumstances."

Her mother was ever so little. He looked into her eyes and could see how lonely she was and how fragile, held together by her knitted cardigan. She was suffering from so much pain yet she still put a smile on her face for him. Ethan looked back at Sally. Her lovely ginger hair had gone and only a few wisps remained, poking out from underneath a pink head scarf.

"Is it the..?" He couldn't bare to say it's name.

"yes." Sally's mother whispered.

—

 **October 2015**

"There's something I need to tell you" Sally said as she sat down on the sofa.

"Me too." Ethan said with a shy smile. "but, you go first."

"Alright." She crossed her legs and held her cup of tea in her hands, warming them. "I'm sick Ethan."

"Are you sure? You don't even seem to have a slight cold." Ethan said.

Sally put down her cup of tea and looked at Ethan directly in the eyes. Ethan blushed, sensing he'd said something wrong. "I'm ill Ethan. Very ill. I don't tell my patients but you're not one of them and I trust you."

Ethan could see the fear in her eyes as she spoke. "You mean?" he asked.

"Yes, Cancer." She nodded, tears in the corner of her eyes. "6 months." She said before he could ask.

"Well, sod what the doctors think. I know you better. You're going to live until you're 90 and the adventures you'll have!" Ethan said with a lump in his throat.

She giggled a little before bursting into tears. Ethan moved up the sofa and pulled her into his arms. He didn't ever want to let go. Resting his head on her head he let the tears fall down his cheeks.

"What did you want to tell me?" Sally asked in a muffed voice as she'd hidden her face in his shoulder.

"I…I..really like you." Ethan said.

* * *

"Here." Sally's mother said. She had stood up and was offering her chair to Ethan.

"Oh no I couldn't." Ethan began but her mother insisted.

"Im just going to…i'm just." She was chocked up with tears and couldn't speak. Ethan nodded to her to say he understood and she rushed off. He assumed she just couldn't take much more or wanted to cry, but not in front of him.

"Remember me?" Ethan said and took her limp hand. He held it tightly and drew it towards his face then leaned forward and kissed it.

"It hasn't even been 6 months." Ethan began to cry. "And I still love you."

He listened to the clock ticking in the corner. The hand turned to the twelve and it let a small ping telling him it was midnight. Matilda began to stir in her car seat which was placed next to the chair Ethan sat in.

"It's Christmas eve." Ethan said to Sally. He knew she had gone however. He let go of her hand and and put his head in his. She had gone in peace. No beeping machines or nurses rushing around, just a blank machine and a room filled with love.


	18. Christmas Day

**I'm so pleased you loved the last chapter! I think it's one of the best i've written. It made me cry writing it as well as I was listening to a sad song whilst doing so aha. Anyway I'm not sure what direction to take this story anymore, I may end it at the 20th Chapter buuut I am thinking of writing a sequel where Matilda is grown up. I'd love to know what you want as well! Do you want to finish this story soon or carry it on?**

* * *

Christmas wasn't merry that year. Sally was buried the same day she died, December 24th, with not much of a funeral for it was just Cal, Ethan and her mother who were there to morn. Although she touched many hearts when she looked after her patients, a lot of them couldn't remember her because of their disabilities or illnesses. The ones who did sent flowers and letters full of sorrow and regret that they couldn't say goodbye.

The ED knew nothing of what had happened apart from Mrs Beauchamp who had told them to take as much time as they needed and that when they came back there'd always be a place for them. The brothers had also been told that two new doctors had started at the ED and there would be another joining them in the New year. Although they needed the staff because they were short staffed and struggling Ethan felt rather like he was being replaced just because he was absent.

"I'm going out." Ethan called out as he checked his pockets for change.

"No you're not." Cal replied curtly as he rolled out his bedroom.

"Yes I am, you can't keep me locked up in here all day!" Ethan replied and slammed the door closed as he left.

The death of Sally had changed him, and not in a good way. The cloud of thoughts that had been troubling him since the crash last october had grown enormously over the year and it seemed to be getting larger. So much larger that it clouded his vision. He popped into the corner shop, that even on christmas day, was open and brushed the snow off his shoulders as he entered. A little ting noise sounded from the door and a man looked up from the counter.

"Ain't you got some family to be with?" he asked gruffly.

Ethan ignored him and made his way over to the small stand of flowers that offered him bunches of nearly dead roses.

"Are you deaf or somthin?" He man asked in his rough tone as Ethan picked the best looking flowers and put them on the counter. The man tapped something into his till and held out his hand. "Two pound." he grunted. Ethan handed him the money and swiftly turned to leave.

"Wait, 'ave these on me. Last box I got."

Ethan turned to see the man holding out a tin of dusty roses.

"Haven't you got family to be with?" He asked as he lightly smiled and took the tin.

"Nope. Wife died last year and I 'ain't got no children."

"I'm sorry to hear that. A friend of mine just passed…" Ethan gulped. "to Cancer."

"Ahh, the big beast. We may never defeat it but at least we have it cornered, for now." the man said. "At least your friend 'ain't suffering no more. Eat the chocolate, it'll do you good,"

"yes." was all Ethan could say and he rushed out the shop back into the swirling snow and cold air.

He thought of Sally as he walked down the street passing windows full of christmas trees, big dinners and happy children bouncing about with presents. He had only been with her what, two weeks, three? A yet she had become his very best friend. He'd never had someone that understood him so well. Everyone usually just made fun of him and girls saw him as a geek and not dateable because of his stutter or glasses. These utterly ridiculous reasons were always given to him when he tried to tell someone how he felt but with Sally, looks didn't matter.

He missed her red hair and the way it used to fall around her face when she was feeling shy. The chapstick she always had in her pocket and the green stripy socks she wore for luck. He missed the sound if her laugh and the way she spoke with such a wide vocabulary and good grammar and a lovely accent showing how intelligent she was, although she would never admit it. "I'm far from clever!" She'd chuckle. "I just sound posh from where I was brought up." He missed the pillow fights and laughing until they couldn't breathe. The movie nights with Cal and caring for Matilda together. Dancing in the moonlight that streamed through the kitchen window and talking until dawn, only to fall asleep in each others arms.

Cal often used the phrase 'Skinny love' when he spoke of them. "When two people love each other and are too shy to admit it but they still show it." Ethan had said when he explained the meaning of Skinny love to Sally. It had made him blush, her giggle and Cal smirk.

Ethan made his way through the snowy streets until he came to the gate of the graveyard. It screeched as he pushed it open like the cry of a mourner. He made his way to the gravestone he had visited when he had been just yesterday. The four footprints from the funeral had gone from but Ethan's feet made new ones in the fresh snow that had fallen overnight. He looked at the church that would soon be lit up and people would come to prey and celebrate on boxing day. He arrived at the grave,crouched down and brushed the snow off it. His eyes began to sting with tears as he stood up again to read it.

 _Sally Hopper_

 _July 31 1982 - December 24 2015_

 _Our beloved daughter and friend who was taken to soon_

 _Gone but not forgotten_

"I'm so sorry. I didn't ring and see you after you stopped being our carer and left your number. You didn't stop being our friend and I don't know why I didn't call sooner when I had the chance! I'm so so so sorry." He broke down into tears.

"I loved you and I never got the chance to tell you! I'm an idiot and I fear this guilt and regret will follow me forever as a punishment. I'll carry it around on my shoulders and i'll weigh me down and I'll feel like and drowning again. And I…I…I don't want that anymore! I want to float, i want to swim and I can't." Ethan said through blurry eyes full of tears. He just wanted to cry and be with his Sally. He fell to his knees and curled up by the headstone sobbing into his arms that covered is face. The snow flurried through the air and began to fall quickly, covering him like a blanket.

"I'm so sorry. So so sorry." he repeated over and over in a whisper.

* * *

"Hello, what service do you require?" a man said politely at the end of the telephone.

"Police." Cal said biting his nails.

"Okay, putting you through now." the man said.

"Hello, what is your problem?" Another voice said.

"Hello, I need to report a missing person." Cal replied anxiously.

* * *

"Helen! Come here and fetch the blanket from the car!" Dave yelled. He had spotted a figure in the graveyard all curled up on his way to the church to watch the annual Nativity on boxing day. He didn't know if it was a homeless person or mourning relative or just someone who had gotten a bit drunk last night and stumbled into the graveyard unknowingly.

His wife returned with a tartan blanket and a worried expression. They walked into the graveyard and over to the man. She covered him in the blanket and brushed the snow off his head to reveal his blonde hair sticking up and frozen like icicles.

"Is he okay?" she asked nervously.

Dave put his fingers on his neck and checked his pulse. "I think he's dead."


	19. Frozen

**Ooooooh what a ciffhanger! I think that the last chapter is the longest yet! I'm really enjoying writing this story more and more and i'm so glad you're all enjoying it to! Anyway, enough of the waiting, let's get on with this chapter! :)**

The usual rush of a adrenaline flowed through Ian's veins as he jumped out the ambulance and into the cold air that bite at his nose and cheeks. Dixie followed him close behind and their footsteps crunched in the snow.

"Over here!" a woman's voice shouted.

Ian looked up through his eyebrows and gripped his bag. He saw a woman standing a calling him and Dixie while a man was knelt down behind her by something covered in a tartan blanket.

"Please hurry! I think he's dead." the woman called.

Ian turned a looked at Dixie, raising his eyebrow in a questionable manor before turning back round and running over to the woman as quick as he could in the slippery snow. He arrived and stopped to check if the woman was okay. Her face was as pale as the fresh snow and her eyes were wide with shock and fear.

"It's him…help him!" she said frantically.

Dixie walked over to the person the woman was talking about to find him lying curled up underneath the blanket and all frosty. It was like he was Jack Frost, covered in icicles and pale enough to be transparent. She removed the frosty glasses off his face to see Ethan and almost jumped backwards with surprise.

"Ian!" She shouted her paramedic instincts kicking into action. "Ian it's Ethan!"

Ian heartbeat thudded so loudly it seemed to be in his ears. His footsteps turned from their usual thud to light and quick steps and his hands stopped shaking from cold to move swiftly to treat his friend. Dixie put her fingers on Ethan's neck and couldn't help but hide the fear on her face.

"Very weak pulse." she said. "How long as he been here?" she asked the man and woman who had found him.

"I..I don't know. I think he's been here all night." the man shrugged.

"Right, we need to treat him in straight away, he's clearly got severe hypothermia and if we don't get him out of these wet clothes and treat him he'll go into cardiac arrest." Dixie said to Ian who nodded and set to work.

* * *

Cal watched the police officer pace up and down the flat. Many of them had come to the door and asked for details, took a photo of Ethan and Cal off the wall then left. Except one named Jake, he'd been told to stay behind and 'look after' Cal and also report any news of Ethan to Cal.

Cal rolled over to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee for himself and Jake but as he picked up two cups from the draining board to wash and use he noticed a piece of paper. It was lying on the back of draining board all crinkly and funny looking. It had obviously been put there to dry from something that had been spilt as it's ink was slightly smudged and Ethan would have put it away neatly if it was a normal letter.

He turned his mind to the kettle that had just boiled and once he made the coffee he took one over to Jake.

"Thanks mate." Jake said as he gratefully took the cup and took big gulp.

"Any news?" Cal questioned.

"No b-" Jake was cut off by his radio. "He's been found and he's in the hospital." he said a minute later after the crackling radio told him all the information.

Cal nodded and went to fetch his coat. He couldn't stop shaking. What had happened to Ethan? Was he hurt or had he tried to go back to work? How could have he let this happen? Why had he not done anything sooner?

After he had his coat on he went back to the kitchen to look at the funny letter. On closer inspection he noticed it was the letter from the brown envelope confirming that Cal was Matilda's father. He frowned in confusion as he looked at the blood types. 'That's not possible' he thought.

"You coming?" Jake asked from the doorway snapping Cal out his thoughts.

"Yeah." he replied shoving the letter in his coat pocket before making his way to the door.

* * *

Cal entered the ED and frantically searched for Ethan. He noticed Mrs Beauchamp walking towards him the the ever dreaded expression of fear and worry.

"Cal," She began as she stood by him. "Ethan."

Cal cut her off. "Where is he? Did he try to come back to work again?"

"He was admitted to the hospital after a passer by found him in a graveyard in the snow." Connie said.

"What? What do you mean found him in the snow?" Cal raised his voice, frantic and full of fear. He had so many questions to ask but the many people waiting in the ED were turning round to see what the commotion was.

"Why don't you come to my office." Connie said, eyeing the people that were staring.

A moment later they were in Connie office and she began to explain.

"Ethan was found in the snow by Sally's gravestone this morning. He was there all night curled up and when we found him he was suffering from severe Hypothermia."

Cal gripped the arms on his wheelchair his fingers going white from how tight his grip was.

"Was…" he whispered.

"He suffered multiple cardiac arrests Cal." Connie used Cal's first name rather than the usual Dr Knight as she spoke with sorrow.

"No." The words barely passed Cal dry lips as his mind seemed to turn numb and he gripped onto his wheelchair tighter. "No no no no. He can't be."

He looked up at Connie who was leaning on the desk with one arm on her forehead hiding her eyes. She briefly whipped them before looking back up at Cal.

"I was in Resus, doing compressions but I came as soon as I knew you were here. Robyn took over but there's not much hope."

Cal's darted about the place as he listened to his boss. "Not much hope? You mean he's still...alive?"

"Yes...no. When I left Robyn and the team were doing all they could but not even us can make a miracle like that happen. He's gone." Connie said solemnly.

The fear that he thought he'd forgotten came flooding back along with utter sorrow and boiling rage. This couldn't have happened. Before Mrs Beauchamp could stop him he raced out the door, through the A and E department and into Resus.

And there it was.

Ethan all wired up to machines, deadly pale, eyes closed as Robyn stood over him performing compressions even though Zoe and Charlie kept telling her to stop, telling her that we was gone.

"He's not gone." Cal said as Loud as he could in his trembling voice. Everyone turned to look at him and fell silent apart from Robyn. All they could hear was her quiet sobbing as she continued compressions in a steady beat.

"Cal, you can't.." Zoe began but was cut off abruptly.

"Don't tell me to get out of here and don't you dare push me out. This wheel chair has made me invisible. I hate the fact people think I'm not here or different because I'm in _this_." Cal said angrily slamming a fist down on the wheelchair as he said 'this'. "I hate the fact I rely on Ethan to do everyday things for me. I hate the fact I need help with everything!"

His voice turned to a deadly whisper. "But there's one thing I can still do. I can help him with those little things people don't think about, like making him smile at the end of a long shift. He's hurting right now, mentally not just physically and he's thinks I haven't noticed. But I noticed long ago and I want to, I need to help him. So don't you dare tell me he's…dead. Ethan wouldn't give up like that."


	20. Broken

**I'm sorry guys! I think it's been around a week since I last updated AND I left it on a cliffhanger. I've been trying to cram revising and homework into the few hours I have after college and i've had all my end of term exams as well as having exhaustion and now a cold :( I tried to finish it last night but I fell asleep about a paragraph in because I was so tired! Also the Casualty winter trailer as finally released this week and there's so much coming up I can hardly wait! Anyway, enough blabbering from me! So sorry for the delay and I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

The deadly silence was broken by the sound of Robyn sobbing "We have a pulse." Cal breathed a sigh of relief as he relaxed his grip on the wheelchair arm and rested him head in his hands. He wiped his teary eyes and ran his fingers through his hair.

He was alive.

He had pulled though but was still weak and now he needed Cal more than ever. Cal rolled over to the bed despite the looks he got from Zoe. Suddenly, Connie burst through the doors of resus and looked at bay 4. Her hands drew to her face as she gasped when she saw Ethan was alive.

"We've got a stable pulse but he's not out the woods yet, we're going to continue to warm him up and then we're sending him up to CT. He was in cardiac arrest for 20 minutes so he was deprived of oxygen and blood for a long while and there's a chance of brain damage." Zoe recited to Cal and Connie.

Connie nodded and stumbled back into the ED. She had nearly always kept her cool and stayed professional but this time it was all too much.

"Are you alright?" Charlie asked her with a frown.

"Yep i'm..i'm fine. Thank you Charlie." She said curtly, wiping her eyes before hurrying off to her office, her heals echoing in the corridors. The door slammed behind her and she pulled the blinds closed. A picture of Grace smiled up at her from he desk making the tears well up in her eyes. She slammed the frame upside down so her daughter smiled at the table instead and sat down in her chair. Her head fell into her hands and the tears fell down her cheeks and dropped onto her blouse, leaving a mark. She kicked off her shoes and brought her knees to her face wrapping her arms around her legs like she was hugging herself. Resting her chin on her knees she sobbed quietly. She worked in such a high pressured environment, it was obvious that one day it would take it's toll on her but she never expected to feel so empty, so cold, so alone.

The door opened quietly and she looked up, startled, to see Jacob. She cleared her throat and furiously wiped her tears as she put her legs back on the ground. She wanted to shy away and hide her face from him but she also wanted to stand tall and tell him to exit the room politely but firmly. Instead, she just looked at him.

"You alright Boss?" Jacob asked.

Connie opened her mouth but nothing came out.

"I know the answer is no, even if you try to lie and say every thing is okay." he replied. "You know, it's alright to feel this way sometimes. It just makes you human."

Jacob moved froward, put his hand on her cheek and kissed Connie. A weak smile spread across her lips, then she pulled him back and continued the kiss.

* * *

Ethan was moved to the high dependency unit the following day after the CT scan was cleared and his temperature had regulated. He mostly slept and when he was awake he was in a daze and didn't really know what was going on.

"Cal?" Ethan croaked. His throat felt like sandpaper and his eyes were all bleary. "Cal?" he tried to call again. His mind felt numb and he couldn't concentrate.

"I'm here." Cal replied and put his hand on Ethan's shoulder to reassure him. Ethan looked to the side to see a blurry Cal stood beside him.

"I'm so cold." he managed to stutter. Every breath was a battle with his lungs.

"That's because you were and idiot and slept in the snow all night." Louise said with her hand on her hip and usual attitude. Cal looked at her angrily and she put a oxygen mask mask on Ethan then left with a sigh.

Ethan frowned as memories fogged his brain.

 _A pair of hands pushed him roughly into the cold air that stung his face. He fell to the ground with a thud and grazed his knee on the paving that covered the garden. Frost was creeping up the windows of the house and the sky looked like it could snow soon. He couldn't get locked out again, not when it was this cold. He pulled himself back up from the ground and tried to run to the door but his step dad had already slammed it shut. The angry face glared at him though the door and turned the key in the lock with a loud click. He fled to the shed once his step dad had left the door and was no longer in slight and thankfully it opened with a creak. Stepping over the usual mice that scuttled along the floor in search for food, he retreated to the far corner of the shed. He sat with his knees tucked up to his chin, trying to stay as warm as possible in the chilly weather. Then he counted the bruises. 1,2,3,4,5….. There were now 13, littered across his chest, legs, arms, not to mention the cut of his knee that was bleeding profusely. His eyes welled with tears and he began to count the seconds that went by in his head. It was 10800 seconds later that his step dad bellowed for him from the back door. His punishment was over._

"I was so cold that night." Ethan croaked.

"Shhh, it's okay. I understand." Cal soothed.

But he didn't. Nobody could understand what he'd been though.


	21. The whole truth

**Hello! Thank you for the reviews, I'm happy to hear you're all still enjoying the story. I'm going to be delving into Ethan's past a little more in the next chapter or two. I had a little fun in the last chapter as well, as I looked at Connie in a bit more detail and added a bit of jonnie. I won't be writing anymore about her personal life/feelings though. I just thought i'd be interesting to include a little it of of the side of Connie we never see. As always, I hope you enjoy!**

* * *

"I guess you could say it started when I was 7." Ethan began after clearing his throat.

"My mum remarried after by real dad died, that's who's name I have, Hardy. Cal never got on with our real dad for he was quiet and enjoyed things like chess and history. Cal always wanted a father who would play football with him and and take him to the pub before he was barely old enough but he never got that and so he was always a little grumpy towards him. So my dad died, when I was six, in a fire and within a year my mum had remarried a abusive, aggressive man that was the exact father figure Cal had always hoped for. I was terrified of him and he hated me because I was nerdy and the opposite to Cal."

Ethan shuffled his feet and continued to stare down at them as he carried on with his story that was bringing back so many memories.

"So..So. He loved Cal because Cal looked up to him. Mum was hardly home because she stayed at work for as long as she could without raising suspicion that she too was hiding from her new husband. Before she married him he acted like the nicest, sweetest person to her but once the deed was done he turned into a monster. I could hear mum crying at night as he shouted. I don't know if Cal could hear them arguing but he certainly knew about our mums occasional bruises or red cheek from a surprise slap. He knew I got beaten and abused to but he never stood up for me out of fear however, he'd sit with me afterwards when our step dad had gone off to the pub and would let me cry into his shoulder." Ethan continued to stare at his shoes as his face flushed red and his eyes welled with tears.

"Three years later he was arrested as my mum finally spoke up about it to the police and so we were free of the 'punishments' and bulling. Mum and I used to sit together and cry about it and Cal at the age of 13 was a typical teen and shut himself in his room nearly 24/7. We were a broken family. I was only 10 and yet i'd suffered depression, grief, abuse. When I turned 11 it was time for the dreaded secondary school. Having glasses, being small and weak and being classed as a nerd made me stand out to the bullies and my past scars made it worse. By the time I was 13 I had been a punching bag for 2 years and had had enough. Then mum fell ill with cancer and with no other family to turn to, Cal and I were taken into care. We moved schools and things improved. I thought everything had gone until October when everything began going downhill again."

Ethan looked up with watery eyes at the therapist sat in front of him.

"Ethan, I promise you. Things will be okay." She said with kind eyes. She looked painfully like Sally and Ethan couldn't bare to look at her for too long. He nodded slowly and averted his eyes back to his shoes. It was no use promising things would get better. Life has ups and downs, that's just the way it is and a promise can't control the way things will happen, or wether they're good or bad.

* * *

Cal pulled the letter out his jacket pocket that he'd shoved in there on christmas day. He was waiting outside the therapist's office waiting for Ethan and he knew that even if Ethan told her everything he would feel better for doing so but wouldn't get much help on how get out of this hole he'd fallen into. Nearly all his life Ethan had felt abandoned and down but nobody really helped. He just had to keep on fighting like he always did.

Cal reinspected the letter, concentrating on his blood group. Something just didn't add up.


	22. Torn apart

**Ughhhh I feel like the last chapter was so terrible and rushed! I'm really scared it's ruined the story but at least there's a new plot twist that I snuck into the end. I love getting reviews as it let's me know whether the story is utter rubbish or if you like it so continue to leave them if you want. :) I wrote this chapter ready to publish on christmas eve but I was spending time with my family and utterly forgot about it so sorry but it's a long one! I hope you all had a lovely Christmas and enjoy this chapter!**

* * *

Ethan put the key into the door and it clicked open. The flat was as cold and empty as he felt. The tall christmas tree was wilting in the corner with threadbare tinsel and only a few glass ornaments that had seemed to loose their usual glow as the lights that shone and made them twinkle were unplugged. A few presents lay underneath wrapped in crinkled red paper and a layer of dust. There seemed to be dust everywhere in fact. As Ethan had been gone, it had made a permanent home rather than usually being wiped away before it had even arrived. The cups that Cal and Jake used a few days ago were still on the kitchen counter, sat neatly on the blue coasters. Ethan strode over to the kitchen whilst Cal went to put Matilda, who had been in the creche the last few days, in her cot. Ethan sighed loudly as he noticed the letter had gone from the draining board and mentally kicked himself.

"What?" Cal asked at the sigh as he turned his wheelchair round.

"Can I have the letter back please?" Ethan asked with a another sigh.

"Oh, you mean my letter?"

"Well, yes."

"Surely if it's my letter that means I get to keep it." Cal said rolling closer to Ethan.

Ethan looked at his feet and shuffled uncomfortably. "Yes, well I just wanted to have a look at the blood results."

"Why?" Cal questioned with a look of fear.

"Because they don't make sense."

"You think I didn't notice that." Cal said, his tone changed to somewhat angry.

"What? That you can't be…that you're not…you're adopted." Ethan gulped.

"YES." Cal suddenly exploded. "AND I MIGHT NOT BE YOUR BROTHER."

"Why are you getting angry at me about it Cal? I can't change if it's true or not and besides I could still be your brother!" Ethan replied in a rather angry tone but still a lot calmer than Cal.

"You noticed there was something odd and you just left it? You didn't think to investigate,let me know, run a test, tell someone?" Cal questioned angrily.

Rage boiled up in Ethan and he stepped forward, towering over Cal in his wheelchair.

"I WAS GOING TO BUT SALLY DIED. SALLY DIED AND I FELT LIKE I'D DIED WITH HER. DO YOU NOT REALISE THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU?!" He bellowed. 

Cal clapped loudly and slowly, shaking his head. He looked at Ethan straight in the eyes, his own filled with a mixture of laughter and anger. "OH YES. _I'm sorry_ , I forgot I'm not the most important person in the world right now. My 15 seconds of 'fame' is over now! Wheelchair? That's old news, no..no you're the important one right now with your sadness, stress, metal illness, horrible childhood, disturbed mind. The list could go on. For you are the important one that needs loving, you're broken. You're tarnished; Never the same again, for you have suffered _illness_ and _pain_ and _loss_. But you know what Ethan? Newsflash, you're not the only one suffering! YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE."

Ethan took a step back and rushed his hands though his hair. He let out a scream and grabbed one of the cups that was sat on the counter.

"What are you doing?." Cal asked, ashen faced and heart pounding.

Ethan didn't reply but drew his arm back and threw the mug at Cal with as much force as he could muster. Cal threw his arms over his head and cowered away at it hit one of the armrests of the wheel chair and smashed.

"What the _hell_ are you doing?" Cal shouted his time with his hands still drawn over his head.

Ethan grabbed the other mug and aimed at his brothers face again but it hit his arms that were protecting him instead and it fell to the floor with a crash, smashing into a million pieces. Cal swore in pain. A bruise would surely be covering his arm soon but that was better than a broken nose or black eye. He watched as Ethan began tearing the flat apart, kicking over chairs, pulling frames off the walls and cups from the cupboards. Glass shattered over the floor making it impossible for Cal to move without damaging the wheels of his chair. Ethan screamed and shouted in anger as hot tears ran down his face and he smashed everything up.

"You're mental you are" Cal said in a scared whisper. "This isn't you Ethan, you need help." 

Matilda's cries filled that air but Ethan's were louder and each one was like a stab to the stomach for Cal. They sounded as though he was being toured, filled with pain and grief. He had been toured his whole life really and he'd always put on a brave face but now it had caught up with him and was really taking it's toll. Ethan sat down on the sofa with a thud and picked a present from under the tree.

"What did you get me for christmas this year?" He asked in a scary voice, horse and shaky. He ripped open the wrapping to be presented with photo book of childhood photos. "That's a nice one." He remarked, pointing a shaking finger at the first photo. "My bruises look really good in it don't you think?" Cal gulped. He was terrified. "Or what about this one? I remember getting that cast put on after step dad pushed me down the stairs. THAT WAS A FUN DAY, WASN'T IT?" Ethan glared at Cal before throwing the book down on the sofa. He started pulling the decorations off the tree and throwing them to the ground, watching them smash before his eyes. He picked up one painted gold and white with the words 'Baby Ethan's first Christmas'. He put it gently on the coffee table and then grabbed a red one that read 'Caleb's first christmas!"

"Please." Cal whispered with teary eyes.

Ethan threw it to the floor and it smashed.

Cal watched as he continued to pull of the tinsel and throw it out the window and then started wrestling with the lights wrapped round the tree. He tugged at them as they were wrapped around the branches and tangled. "Why do you never get the knots of of these?" he asked Cal angrily. He gave one final attempt at pulling the lights from the tree and the stand began to tip over. It was as if the world had been turned into slow motion as the tree fell and Ethan stood underneath it. Cal's heartbeat sounded as if it was in his ears as he felt it pounding and his head swayed. Ethan's threw his hands up but his knees bulked as the tree fell squarely on top of him.

"WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DO THIS? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS GET YOURSELF HURT?" Cal yelled. Ethan pushed the tree off him with much difficulty but succeeded and pushed himself up again and faced Cal. "NOT THIS TIME MY FRIEND." He laughed in his brother's face.

"Oh my God Ethan. MOVE!" Cal shouted as the tree behind him began to go up in flames for it had fallen into the Candle Cal had lit earlier in a attempt to make the flat smell better and more homely. Ethan swiftly moved forward and out the way just in time. The tree erupted into bight orange flickering flames that licked at the walls and carpet and began to spread. "You get out and i'll get Matilda!" Ethan shouted to Cal who swiftly began making his way to the door. His anger had been replaced with regret and guilt and shame as she watched the flickering flames with wide eyes. Smoke had began to fill the air. Ethan swiftly made his way over to the cot and grabbed Matilda then ran though the door. He put Matilda in Cal's arms and said "go downstairs, i'll be right behind you."

Ethan ran back into the flaming flat despite the calls he got from Cal. The fire alarm was ringing loudly thought the air and he could hear children crying in fright and foot steps running down the stairs as everyone evacuated the building. The whole flat was now ablaze. He ran to the sofa and grabbed the photo book but when he turned to leave the door was blocked by blackened furniture and orange flames. He covered his mouth with his handkerchief as smoke tickled his throat and he tried to find a exit with fearful eyes. The cot under window was the only thing that hadn't been swallowed by fire yet and he ran to it, his heart thumping in his chest. He threw open the window to see fire crews and an ambulance arrive. After a glance at the flames he threw his book out the window coughing and gasping for breath whilst doing so. Then, only the adrenaline in his veins could be a explanation for what he did next as he stood on top of the cot and stuck a leg out the window. With all his might he pulled his other leg up and out the window leaving him hanging onto the ledge with his hands. His breathing was shaky and he wheezed as his chest rattled with every breath from fear and the smoke front he fire. He closed his eyes as his fingers slipped and he began falling though the air.


	23. Gone

**Wow! The last chapter was the longest yet nearly 2000 words! Oooh Drama is ahead! I'm glad you're all still enjoying the story I really hope you like this chapter! Enjoy x**

Ethan could hear screams as he fell though the air. Sirens, shouts and cries. His head was thumping and he didn't know if it was the sound of blood pumping in his head and rush of adrenaline or just a bad headache. His vision was blurry as the flat few past him and he fell closer and closer to the ground making him feel sick. He suddenly felt his body collide with the ground with a crunch, his legs were splayed out and there was a flow of blood trickling from his scalp. He could hear footsteps running in the distance but they sounded funny and each one caused more pounding in his head. Bam..Bam..BAM. The things he saw in front of him remained blurry as if he'd lost his glasses yet they were still on his face, just a little scratched. Ian appeared in front of his face and was talking but he couldn't really hear what he was saying nor try to read his shouting lips. It was although someone had pressed mute or put on the channel that shows nothing but a grey wobbly screen and emits a high pitched noise. Everything felt and looked fuzzy. Suddenly he started shaking violently, fitting uncontrollably and then..he felt nothing and his eyes rolled to the back of his head as he fell into a drowsy sleep.

* * *

"Right this is Ethan Hardy, he has a scalp laceration and query head injury after falling around 30 feet. He fitted at the scene but has remained stable throughout. Neck and spine are cleared. He KO'd at the scene and has remained so during route. His GCS is 8, pulse is 120, BP is 130/90, sats are at 97% and he's had 1.5 litres of saline." Ian recited as he pushed the trolly though the reception.

"When I said see you tomorrow Dr. Hardy, I didn't mean at 3am on a hospital bed." Connie joked with a slight smile as she followed the trolly with Ethan's file in her hands. Suddenly Ethan started jolting and convulsing again and Connie helped to hold him still as they pushed the trolly quickly into resus.

"Right let's get to CT as soon as possible while he's stable." Connie said a few minutes later after the fit had stopped. She checked his eyes frowning slightly. "His pupils have blown but there's no head head injury other than the cut and that wouldn't cause seizures." Dylan looked at Connie with his usual frown and then turned to Lofty. "Ben, can you check the scalp laceration please." Lofty inspected the head wound with gentle fingers, trying not to hurt Ethan even though he was unconscious still. "It's a superficial cut and there seems to be no skull fracture or damage to the brain tissue." he replied. "Well ring CT, we'll see what we can find out and then go and find Cal." Connie told lofty who replied with a nod and left quickly.

Dylan put hands on his hips and sighed as he thought. Seizures but no skull fracture or brain damage, what was the underlying problem? "Right, well.." Dylan began scratching in head, "what if it's not something that happened today that's causing the seizures?"

"A tumor?" Connie questioned.

"Yes, most likely. But where?"

"Could be any part of the brain. He's going up to CT in 5 minutes where we'll find out for definite but get lofty to question Cal about it." Connie said.

* * *

"Suicide.." Lofty said quietly with question in his tone as well as sadness.

"No. No Ethan wouldn't do that." Cal looked up at Lofty. "He was getting away from the fire, i'm sure of it."

"Death does strange things to people, it can change them."

Cal looked down again almost as if he was ashamed. "At mum's funeral…I left early, went off with some girl. You know. I get what you mean, death makes you feel all sorts of things and makes you do all sorts of things. I think that's what made me leave the funeral, I was trying to cheer myself up…it sounds twisted, sleeping with someone to speed up my grieving process of my mother but. But maybe I am a little."

"A little what?" Lofty asked.

"A little twisted, mad, stupid. Ethan has always been the better one and I never though he would do the things he did today. It scared me…..he scared me so much. I think death has changed him and i'm scared of the person he's become."

"I'm so sorry Cal." Lofty sympathised.

"Although, he started changing before Sally died if i'm honest. Completely un-Ethan behaviour." Cal bit his lip as he though of all the past events.

"Umm..a few months back before the crash there was a young girl who nearly died. I mean Ethan can be sad sometimes but he really beat himself up about it, said it was all his fault that she might die. Oh, and when he broke his skull and he came back home, the second time after the antibiotics and everything, he kept getting headaches. Not normal ones like Zoe said he'd get, no, he described it as pressure. Intense pressure building up in his head. He was often sick in the mornings after he found out about Sally too. I tried joking he was pregnant and he got really angry, so unlike him. He was so ill though, spent ages in the bathroom and then acted like he was fine with his headaches too until the next morning when he'd rush to the bathroom again. And the hypothermia case…that's not Ethan at all. I don't know what he was thinking..I don't think he was even thinking at all."

Lofty's eyes were like puppy dog eyes as he sat listening to Cal's tales of poor Ethan. Then it occurred to him. "Hold on, I need to go and see Mrs Beauchamp. Will you be alright?" he said to Cal who nodded. Lofty made his way the computer and typed his thoughts into the search bar. The results appeared and he quickly scanned though them as Rita mocked him about the youngsters lack of memory and reliability on the internet behind him. He ran though to resus to see Mrs Beauchamp scanning the CT results.

"Frontal Lobe Brain tumour?" he said to his boss who looked up at him in surprise. "Cal explained a lot of the symptoms, though he hasn't realised what it is yet and it matches the blown pupils but no head injury." he said quickly. "Oh and the seizures." he added quietly.

"I'm impressed." Connie said with a slight smile; a rare sight. She zoomed in on the CT results and beckoned Lofty. "Here look." She passed him the tablet.

"I was right?" Lofty asked with surprise.

"Yes. Well done." Connie replied and then turned back into professional mode. "Right can you ring the neurosurgeons and see if a craniotomy is possible please, then take Cal to the relatives room and let him know."

Lofty handed the tablet back and nodded before heading to the phone. Connie walked over to Ethan and checked his vitals once more and before leaving she leant close to him and said "You need to fight this. Do it for Cal, do it for Matilda and do it for all of us in the ED. I know you may want to join Sally but I promise you, we need you more than she does and she'll wait for you until it's time for you to go."


	24. Past and present

**I've got another long chapter (1,953 words long! Holy moly!)** **for you today where i'm revealing more of Ethan's past! Do you like the longer chapters? Also Iv'e planned out the next few chapters and the story line so I don't run out of ideas. I'm planning to continue this story until it's at 30 chapters or longer! x**

* * *

Everything was white. Sparkling, fresh, bright white. It was pretty and pure but also chilling in a way for it was all he could see. Miles and miles of white corridors.

"Were taking you up to surgery now Ethan." Connie said to a half conscious Ethan and put a comforting hand on his shoulder as the team pushed the trolly though the corridors.

 _"My mum said once that staring up will stop you crying because you're looking to the angels and there's always one who will look after you." Ethan said to the nurse in a quiet voice as he looked up with tears in his eyes. "I don't think my angels found me yet, he's still looking for me."_

 _"Sharp scratch." The doctor said as he injected a needle in Ethan's leg to give him local anaesthetic before he sewed up the deep cut on his leg. He winced._

 _"He? I thought angels were girls in the stories?" the nurse replied, trying to distract him from the pain of the needle._

 _"Yes he. Can't boys be angels too?" Ethan replied with a look of surprise._

 _"Why of corse they can!" She said with a big smile. "What does this angel look like then?"_

 _"He looks like my daddy…He is my daddy." He said with a brave face as though he was trying not to let his tears fall. Then he looked back at the ceiling rather than at the nurse._

 _"I'm sure he'll be here soon enough, i'm sure he misses you." the nurse said with a kindly smile._

 _"I hope he comes soon to watch over me because I don't like being hurt." Ethan said with a small sob._

 _"Being hurt?" the nurse questioned and looked at the doctor worriedly._

 _"Like now. I keep getting myself into accidents or the bullies hurt me by saying nasty things."_

 _"Right." the nurse said but she didn't feel fully comfortable that there wasn't something else going on. "Did you tell your mum about the bullies?"_

 _"Yes. But Step dad over heard and said to man up." Ethan said tracing circles on his palm. His mother always did it to calm him down but it wasn't working now. "So..so..so he..he s..said to leave..e..e it." he stuttered anxiously._

 _The Doctor was nearly finished and so the nurse tired to get more information. "Well, why don't you tell your teacher too? I'm sure they'll help and there's no need to 'man up'. If you're hurting on the outside, for example you graze your knees, you get someone to help you don't you? You get someone to fix it and make it better. So if you're hurting on the inside then it's just as important to get someone to make it better. Angels_ ** _and_** _adults help." Ethan smiled._

 _"Okie dokie. I'll ask my teacher. Are…are..are my knees okay?" Ethan asked looking at his scabby knees._

 _"Yes, they look fine. They'll be healed soon." the nurse said kindly. "How did you hurt your knees?"_

 _"oh…oh I ..umm fell over in the…the p..playground." Ethan tried to lie as the memories of being thrown out the house by his step dad and scraping his knees came flooding back from a few days earlier._

 _The nurse watched the little boy leave the hospital with his brother and mum not long after. He turned around and waved at her enthusiastically although he looked sad. She knew something was wrong and she just couldn't put her finger on it._

 _"Poor kid." She said out loud as she watched him walk away holding his brothers hand and looking up to the sky._

 _The doctor appeared by her side and sighed. "I know you may think something is wrong but he looks fine to me and you know we'd do something if we thought there was something dark and bad in the seemly average family."_

 _"Yes but -" she began but she was cut off._

 _"No buts. You can't report anything with out solid evidence and in this case we don't have anything other than your worries." he said before giving her a authoritative glance and leaving._

* * *

Ethan tried moving his lips but he was struggling. He tired with all his might but it seemed they were refusing to do as he asked. He wanted to speak and shout for help. He'd always kept his mouth shut as a child in fear of his step dad but now he wanted the world to know.

 _Ethan made his way down the corridor watching the ceiling whilst running his hand down the wall over the bumps and cracks of the rough bricks. He knew his primary school of by heart and could navigate it as he looked to the stars for his Daddy, whom still wasn't there yet, but in his new secondary he was still using a map. Turn right next he thought as he was trying to make his way to the next class but as he turned he collided with the wall. He fell backwards to hear laughing echoing around him. His glasses had flown of his face and he crawled on his knees looking for them._

 _"Looking for these?" Olivia Miller said in a cackling voice holding up his glasses in the air for everyone to see. She was the so called queen of the bullies and everyone's favourite worst nightmare._

 _"Leave him alone!" a small voice called out. Ethan looked up from the ground at the blurry figure in front of him holding his glasses and then turned to the fuzzy crowd of faces. One small year 7 who was sporting a pink backpack and a ginger ponytail, held up by a fluffy green bobble, was standing with her hands on her hips at the front of the crowd._

 _"And who may you be?" Olivia asked snarling with a flick of her hair as she chewed her gum noisily._

 _"Tania Jones." the little girl replied with a determined face._

 _"Awhhh cute! Angel boy has a fwiend!" Olivia laughed cruelly, evil practically dripping from her with every snide sentence._

 _"Give him back his glasses!" Tania shouted with a stamp of her foot. You could see the anger boiling up in her as fiery as her hair._

 _"What like this?" Olivia laughed as she dropped them to the floor and stepped on them with her sparkly pink plimsols which were banned as they weren't school uniform but she continued to wear them anyway. They broke with a crunch and the noise seemed to be the last straw for Tania. She launched forward running at Olivia and started puling at her long hair but being a year 10, Olivia was a lot bigger and she fought back._

 _"Oi you little brat!" she screamed as she tugged at Tania's bobble in her hair and stomped on her shiny shoes. The whole corridor started cheering and chanting 'FIGHT!" over and over. Suddenly Tania gasped as she was punched in the nose and then stomach and fell backwards. Tears formed in her eyes as her hair fell over her face and her cheeks went pink._

 _"Come on everyone. Let's leave these losers alone!" Olivia smirked and left the corridor, her shoes lighting up as she waltzed away. Everyone left following their leader and soon the corridor was silent again._

 _Ethan's searching hand finally found his glasses and he pulled them on to find they were cracked on the left lens. He sighed sadly but then turned to Tania who had blood running down her shirt._

 _"No don't" Ethan said as she tipped her head back. "Just sit normally but lean a bit forward and pinch your nose here." he said demonstrating for her._

 _"Everyone in the movies always put their head back when they have a nosebleed." Tania said as she pinched her nose and pushed her hair out her face._

 _"No, you're not supposed to do that because it makes the blood run down your throat." Ethan said._

 _"Ewwww that's gross." Tania replied with a giggle._

 _They both laughed as they sat in the corridor._

 _"I've always wanted shoes like that. The pink ones that light up!" Tania said with a smile._

 _"Really? Ethan said._

 _"Yeah, I asked for them for my birthday but mum said we couldn't afford them at the moment. I'm hoping Santa will bring them for christmas next month instead." She looked at her once shiny shoes that were now scuffed from the fight as she spoke._

 _"Maybe I could get them for you? As…as a thank yo..you." Ethan said, bushing madly._

 _"But they're £20! There's no way you could afford that!" Tania said._

 _They both fell silent again._

 _"Here." Ethan said._

 _Tania looked up to see holding her big,fluffy and green bobble that had been pulled out her hair in the fight. She smiled. "Could you put in my hair…I would only-"_

 _"Only your hands are holding your nose on right now." Ethan finished her sentence._

 _"Yes." She laughed._

 _A few minutes later after much difficultly Ethan had managed to pull Tania's hair into a lopsided ponytail with many pieces of hair falling out around her face._

 _"I like you hair like that." Ethan said as he admired the work proudly. Living with a brother, and being a boy himself, meant he didn't have much experience with girls or fashion but he liked the funny ginger ponytail._

 _"Maybe i'll keep it like this." She smiled._

 _Sure enough the next day as Ethan walked down the corridor, looking straight ahead so he didn't fall into anymore fights, he saw Tania pass him with her hair in a lopsided ponytail and a grin on her face._

* * *

Cal sat in the relatives room watching Lofty rock Matilda gently. He would have laughed if the situation wasn't so serious for Lofty and babies probably wasn't the best combination. He looked anxious as he walked around the room slowly, bobbing her up and down as she slept.

"Tumour." Cal said out loud to himself. "It all makes sense now."

 _Cal watched out his bedroom window as his younger brother was thrown outside and his step father locked the door. He could hear him laughing and it made him feel sick but he couldn't show it. He mustn't. Not unless he wanted to be punished like his brother._

 _"BOY. COME DOWN HERE." his step dad yelled._

 _He stopped looking out the window at his crying brother and ran downstairs to be greeted with the stench of a drunk step dad. "Yes father?" Cal said politely. He hated calling him that but he couldn't refer to him as step dad. Ethan always did and he was always walloped for it._

 _"Don't speak like that &*!ing brother of yours. The way he speaks makes him sound like a posh twat, thinking so highly of himself."_

 _Cal bit his tongue, sat down on the sofa and ate his pizza in silence which poor Ethan would get none of._


	25. New Year Eve

**I would just like to be a bit soppy and say thank you so much for reading my story! Writing is something I love a lot and to know people are enjoying what I write makes my day! There are a few of you who are dedicated readers/reviewers (you probably know who you are) so the most enormous thank you to you guys because without you I probably wouldn't have continued to write the this story after the first chapter let around write 25! Also I hope you all completed your 2015 relations, I can't even remember mine to be honest haha. *raises glass* To2016, let's make it even better than the last year and certainly full of Casualty fanfics! Happy New Year!**

* * *

Cal wiped his tired eyes as he watched the second pass by on the clock. Ethan was lying in bed just by him sleeping soundly. The surgery had been successful in the fact the tumour was removed but they didn't know if there would be anymore damage until he woke up and was assed. He didn't know how much more sadness he could take, so much of his little brother getting hurt. This time he'd make sure he was taken care of and little Matilda too. She hadn't even had a proper first christmas and had spent a lot of her time lately in the creche. The door suddenly opened and Cal looked up to see robyn, out of her scrubs and ready to go home and party. She walked over and passed him a chocolate bar and bottle of water.

"Eat the chocolate, you'll feel better." She smiled weakly.

"It's not even scientifically proven but I won't say no to a bit of chocolate." Cal said as he took the things off her and put them down on the small table next to the bed.

"Oh, I almost forgot." Robyn said as she opened her bag and pulled out a big brown book. She handed it to Cal smiling fully this time. "Ian gave it to me, he found it outside the flats after Ethan fell."

Call thanked her then opened the book after she left with a small wave. The first picture was of him, Ethan and their mother, the year they gained a step dad. Ethan was right. The bruises stood out painfully in the bright light, all black and blue. Suddenly he heard a crinkling sound and looked up to see Ethan sneaking the chocolate off the bedside table.

"Oi nibbles!" he chuckled at the sight of his brother ginning and tearing open the foil of the chocolate before taking a big bite out of it. Then he noticed the same blue bruises all over him like in the photograph. He sighed and dropped his head back down. Turning a page he noticed the next picture of Him and Ethan at a school football match smiling at the camera. He looked back at the bed expecting his mind to play tricks again but all the saw was Ethan lying down, pale faced and silent except for shallow breaths that rattled in his chest.

 _"Look Matilda! Daddy's putting up the tree!" Ethan said to the baby his arms._

 _"Since when did you start calling me daddy?" Cal joked._

 _The pair laughed and there was a little giggle from Matilda._

 _A hour later Cal and Ethan sat on the sofa, with Matilda in Cal's arms, looking at the tree in delight. Though slightly wonky it looked truly magical as it was covered in colourful lights, all the old family ornaments, gold tinsel and was crowned with a sparkly star. The newest bauble hung at the front of the tree in the middle more centre of attention than the star. It read Matilda's first Christmas._

Cal awoke with a sudden start and rubbed his aching neck.

"You alright?" he heard a familiar voice ask.

"Yea i'm fine.." Cal began but trailed off. He followed his eyes up and saw Ethan awake and sat up in bed. "You're awake?!" he almost shouted in surprise.

"Yeah I woke up and you were asleep, we couldn't bare to wake you. They assed me too, and i'm okay." Ethan smiled.

Cal could of jumped with glee then he realised. "We?" he asked looking around for someone else in the room.

"Hello." a girl said as she stepped out from behind Cal and gave a little wave.

"You're not are you?" Cal asked astonished.

"Yes it's me!"

 _Cal sat down on the sofa and patted Ethan's back. It was the day after their step dad had been taken to prison and his mum and Ethan couldn't stop crying. He didn't know if it was relief or if they just kept replaying the events in their head from the years with their abusive step dad._

 _"You know I never liked him." Cal said. Ethan looked up at him in surprise with red puffy eyes. "I hated him but never stood up to him. It was always you and mum who were brave and you were punished for it. You're the one with courage not me, i'm just a coward. Running and hiding as always."_

 _Suddenly Ethan through his arms around Cal with such force he nearly fell backwards despite Ethan usually being the weaker one. He hugged Cal with all his might. "Courage isn't a matter of not being frightened. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway." Ethan said though sobs. He let go and sat back normally._

 _"Where's the cheesy quote from this time?" Cal said with a smirk._

 _"Doctor Who."_

 _"Well it's a good one and you did do what you had to do. You stood up to him, as did mum and now he's gone. I don't think you'll ever realise how grateful I am for that." Cal smiled._

"Yes it's me!" the girl said.

Cal was brought back from his flashback to the present day and he shook his head almost to get rid of the memories.

"You alright?" Ethan asked a worried frown.

"Yea i'm fine but can I talk to you?" Cal asked.

The girl took the hint and left swiftly leaving the brothers alone.

"Courage isn't a matter of not being frightened. It's being afraid and doing what you have to do anyway." Cal said with a small smile. "I am still thankfull for what you did Ethan and i'll never forget it."

Ethan was bombarded with memories but the one of him and Cal sat on the sofa hugging stuck out like a sore thumb after Cal's quote. "Come here." He said.

Call rolled closer to the bed and was so surprised as Ethan leaned over as gave him a hug. It was quite awkward with one of them wired up and stuck in a hospital bed an the other lower down and in a wheelchair but that was okay and they both wanted it to last forever.

Cheers erupted downstairs and they stopped hugging and looked at the clock. It was midnight. Ethan took the water bottle from the bed and Cal frantically looked in his bag for a drink of some sort to. He pulled out Matilda's milk bottle for it was the only thing he could find. He laughed to himself and they both tapped their bottle together although Cal did not drink his for obvious reasons.

The door opened and the girl stepped back in the room. She walked over to Ethan's bed and took his water bottle to make a speech.

"To 2016. Hope shines for us in it like a beacon of light at the end of the tunnel. The tunnel of hard times and mostly Ethan getting himself hurt from what i've heard." She giggled to herself. "Just like the old times eh? It will be better than ever but let's not forget the joyous memories from last year to. It wasn't all rubbish was it? So to the past and the present, Happy New year!" Tania said and leaned down and kissed Ethan. Cal smirked and pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the midnight kiss.

Ethan smiled. He'd finally found the girl he'd always loved again and she loved him.


	26. Thank you

Hello again! I just thought i'd let you know your reviews aren't displaying on the website :( I've been reading them on my email because I get author/story alerts etc. So I don't know why that is but at least I still have some way of reading them. Also thank you for reading this story. I am beyond amazed that people read and enjoyed and for that reason I am writing a sequel! So keep your eyes peeled as i'll be uploading it soon.


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